Surfacing Grace
by OhMyStarsShiz
Summary: Whoufflé Ballet AU: John Smith is the Director of the Royal ballet. Everything in his life seemed to be going wrong, when a new ballerina called Clara Oswald turns up and changes everything. But even the most happiest people have dark secrets that they hide from the people they love. Rated M for smut and swearing.
1. Making An Impression

**So, You guys really wanted this Ballet AU. I hope you like the first chapter. It will get better, I swear but I really needed to just set things for now. **

**Please Read and Review because it makes me extra happy to know you opinions so I can take them into account etc. **

**Enjoy the story!**

* * *

It was a new season for the Royal ballet. The director, John Smith, was sat in his office at 7.30 am, waiting for the company to arrive. He wasn't looking forward to rehearsals today. This was mainly because they had to find a new prima.

The old prima, River Song, had just left after a fifteen year run. She was nearly forty and it was a shock to everyone that she'd gone on that long. She was still a beautiful dancer of course, but she was getting too old. The main reason she hadn't left was because she was married to none other than John Smith, the director. He was accused by the board for several years running that his judgments were clouded by his marriage. Half of that was definitely true, but the fact was she still had a few years left in her and why not make the most of it?

She'd left the last season and at the same time, their divorce went through. They split earlier in the year due to John saying River needed to find a new job as he was being pressured into firing her. River was a good nine years older than John and he hated saying things that would make her seem old. The marriage had last a long time, but in the end it couldn't last forever and there was nothing he could do about that.

John picked up a few papers on his desk and dropped them back down in his exhaustion and dread.

At around quarter to eight, he began to hear the voices of the company in the hallway getting ready. He decided it was time to show his face and stepped out into the corridor. He nodded and smiled to the faces who all welcomed him back.

They'd had a six weeks break since Romeo and Juliet and now everyone was excited to see what their Christmas ballet would be. Personally, John was not a fan of it but the board had insisted on it as it hadn't been performed in England for a while.

People were chatting in the hallway and exchanging greetings. "Five minutes!" John called grumpily.

He heard someone mutter under their breath, "Gosh he's in a mood." But he wasn't in the mood to prove them right.

* * *

Once he was in studio A, he waited for the company to file in. They currently had exactly one hundred dancers in their first group.

Each person took a place on the many ballet barres in front of them and started warming up. They did foot exercises on demi-pointe as they waited for the choreographer, Jack to arrive.

Jack was a very flirtatious man and had once been a beautiful ballet dancer. Unfortunately he had been hit by a car and was very luckily brought back from the dead, but could no longer dance as well as he should. He now put his many talents to work at perfecting and changing the routines for the ballets.

John waited on a raised platform at the side of the room which he used for observations. He saw Jack walk in from the corner of his eye and the piano player immediately begun her typical 4/4 beat. Every dancer begun to do their warm up routines, each girl with perfection in the hope she would be noticed to be featured more this season.

John waited for ten minutes until they had done plenty of leg and arm exercise to get back into the rhythm, before he interrupted it.

"Company." He said loudly, and everyone in the room turned to face him as the piano abruptly stopped. "This season we will be performing the ballet, Giselle. I'm sure you all know it well enough." He knew he sounded miserable and Jack grinned cheekily at him to tell him to perk up. He scowled in return which made Jack pull another stupid face.

"If you were a first female soloist last year, I would like to see you in studio B in fifteen minutes with your pointes on please."

He nodded back to the piano player and the dancers continued their warm-ups.

John was meant to be looking out for who would be the best prima, including searching the corps, but he didn't want to have to search through seventy girls just to find the perfect one. Besides, it was only Giselle. Yes, it was Christmas season which is arguably the busiest time of the year, but it wasn't many people's favourite. At least, it wasn't his.

He walked to studio B and waited as ten girls walked in nervously. This was their chance to become the prima and everyone in the room wanted it. John had seen all these ladies dance before. They were all brilliant, but he didn't think any of them deserved to be primas .They couldn't own a stage like a prima should.

In turn, they each danced the hardest sections from the show. He nodded to each one and thanked them, then allowed them to leave.

He was being very dismissive and he was sure that they would be extremely disheartened by his behavior, but he couldn't care.

Once the auditions were over, he had nothing left to do but walk around the building for the day. He technically wasn't allowed to leave but he was paid as long as he was there and did what he had to.

He stayed in studio B for a while, practicing his developpes and pas de chats. He'd never wanted to be in the ballet, but he'd always wanted to run it .Of course everyone knew that he knew how to dance, but no-one knew if he actually could dance. He kept that away from everyone. He'd even kept it away from River.

That's when it struck him. His moodiness was down to the fact his marriage had gone horribly wrong due to his career. Mind, he'd never had been married in the first place had it not been his career. Maybe that was his first mistake.

He chose to try and make himself more cheerful for the day. Besides, it was a new season after all and he should be excited.

He went to observe how the corps was doing. He watched for a while and smiled fondly at how well they worked together. He often forgot just how proud he was of these people. They were one of the top troops in the world and that was due to all their hard work.

As John watched the dance, he found his eyes wondering to a particular ballerina. He'd never seen her before, so she must have been new. She didn't have a face he was likely to forget.

The way she performed the dance was so original. She may have just been one of fifty others, but she was the only one who looked like she truly understood what was going on, even if that was being a townsperson.

The more he studied her, the more he found it unusual that she was a dancer. She was very small and her legs were quite short. She didn't look like she'd be as naturally poised as a ballerina either. Her body had clearly been trained into a dancer shape, but it wasn't by nature and it certainly wasn't going to be easy to keep up. She was young too, maybe seventeen? He wasn't aware they hired younger than eighteen.

He was still staring at her when Jack called them all for a ten minute break. She walked to the side of the room to grab a water bottle and talk to two other girls.

"What you looking at John?" Jack asked, creeping up behind the startled man.

"Oh, oh nothing." He lied. "Just, is that girl over there new?" John pointed to the small girl.

Jack squinted to see better. "Oh...oh yeah!" Jack exclaimed. "Yeah she is. Great dancer. Bit shocked she's in a ballet but, I'm not the one who auditions them."

John turned to Jack. "At first glance, she doesn't look like a ballerina, but the more I watched her the more I realised that she was. She dances with so much character and passion." John realised he'd been a little dreamy whilst saying this. He stood bolt upright and nodded to Jack. "She's good."

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "Can't disagree with you there. She does stand out a bit. Might have to move her further forward though if she insists on being that short." He laughed and it made John smile.

He noticed the girl was now laughing at something she must have been told. She turned around for a moment to cough and he finally got a good look at her face. she was very pretty. It wasn't like a normal pretty, more like a unique kind of pretty.

"Be right back." John said to Jack, as he started walking over to the girl. He heard Jack snort from behind him but he just tutted under his breath.

Once John reached the girl he tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around abruptly and jumped back a little from the accidentally close proximity in which they'd ended up standing to each other.

"Woah!" The girl cried out playfully. "Watch it mate, that chin could kill!"

The girls behind her all gasped when they saw who she was talking to and stood politely. They expected John to get mad, especially since he was in a bad mood today, but he merely laughed.

"It's not that big!" He replied like a child. He might as well try to make conversation.

She grinned and pretended to study it a bit more. "Oh, I think it is chinboy." She replied. She stuck her hand out for him to shake. "Clara." She smiled.

"John." He replied, meeting her hand and gently grasping it in a warm greeting.

Clara nodded to him and pulled her hand away. "Well, nice to meet you John. Sorry, are you in the corps? I don't really know anyone yet, it's my first day."

John bit the inside of his lip to restrain from laughing and he could see the girls behind Clara were doing the same.

"Err, no." He stifled a laugh. "I'm not in the corps."

Clara raised her eyebrows. "Oh, so you're higher up then?" She teased. "What a soloist? No, let me guess." She put a hand on her hip and tapped her fingers on her chin in a playful thoughtfulness. "You're a principal. Or, you're the lead?"

She was laughing a bit and implying he'd been rude, but he found this extremely amusing.

"Actually, I'm the director of the company." He said seriously.

The girl let out a laugh and then her eyes widened and her face dropped when she realised he'd been completely serious. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" She started frantically apologizing. "I didn't realise and now I've gone and made fun of my boss on my first day. Shit."

She managed to look even more scandalized as the words slipped out of her mouth. "And now I've sworn in front of him. I'm so sorry! If there's anything I can do to make this back to you sir, I swear I will do it!"

She looked really nervous. John started to smile and Clara visibly relaxed. "It's fine, honestly." John replied sweetly. "You could have told me to fuck off and then you might have had to repay me."

Clara smiled at him in relief. "Seriously sir, if there's anything I can do..."

"You can start my stop calling me sir." He said seriously. "And actually, you can wait behind twenty minutes tonight so I can find out a bit more about you?"

Where had that come from? He mentally slapped himself.

"Completely professionally of course." He added.

"Your wish is my command." Clara smiled. She looked over to Jack when she heard him say that the break was over. "Sorry, have to...you know...work." She said apologetically.

"Of course, can't have you slacking on day one can we now?" He said rhetorically. He walked away as professionally as he could. He didn't see her bite her lip worriedly as the other girls gathered around her to ask what was going on. She was extremely confused herself and really didn't know what to tell them. She chose that getting on with learning the choreography was her best bet.

* * *

But Clara couldn't get the embarrassing and confusing conversation she'd just had with her boss out of head. She'd managed to make a fool out of herself on her first day, which was so like her.

She was aware of the director's eyes on her for the first half hour and so she made sure to dance even better than usual. Better to make a good impression whilst she could.

Once the day was over and she was getting ready to go home she felt a hand grab her arm in the hallway. She turned around to see her boss smiling at her.

"I was wondering if you'd come to my office?" John asked. "Just for a quick chat so I know your history?"

Usually Clara would make some sarky comment about him wanting to get into her pants, but she had a feeling that this was generally innocent. Probably from how he flailed his limbs as he walked, like he'd only learnt how to walk yesterday and was still trying to keep his balance.

She nodded and followed him to his office. She followed him through the door warily and looked around. It wasn't too big, but it looked professional and made Clara feel small.

"Sit down." John instructed and she turned to the chair he pointed at, across the desk from him.

Clara sat down nervously and crossed her legs. She was wearing skinny jeans and a hoodie over her leotard and tights, making her feel quite sweaty and gross.

"So," John began. "tell me about yourself."

Clara fiddled with her fingers. "There's not much to tell. I've been in one professional ballet before this. I did the nutcracker. Then came to London once I was accepted in here." She chose to tell him her dance career was probably what he'd wanted, which was not really the case at all. He just wanted to know more about her.

John nodded. "So, you were Clara, I'm guessing, as a child?"

Clara bit her lip and giggled. "How old do you think I am?" She asked innocently.

John furrowed his brow. He was about to say eighteen but this question made him think he should probably raise it a little higher. "Umm, twenty?" He asked.

She smiled and shook her head. "Guess again."

"Twenty-one?"

"Twenty-four." She replied. His eyes widened.

"You can't be twenty-four!" He gasped. "How come you've only been in one ballet if you're twenty-four?"

Clara shrugged her shoulders. "Everyone told me I couldn't be a ballerina. Wrong body shape. So, I trained for a few years to make sure I could and then I recently worked for the Northern Ballet. I understudied the soloists and worked in the corps." She spoke casually about it but he could tell that this wasn't really something she was too proud of.

John now understood why she sounded different. She was Northern. "Can I take a whack and say you're from Lancashire?" He asked intriguingly.

"What a guess!" She replied. "Yeah, I am. Blackpool to be precise. I grew up attending things at the Tower ballroom. It's where I did my first dance performances." She smiled fondly at the memory.

John smiled in return. Her smile was one that made everyone around smile too. It was extremely infectious.

He snapped himself out of his thoughts. "Must have been a great childhood."

"Yeah, I guess it was." She whispered sorrowfully. He must have hit a rough spot and he suddenly felt bad for prying. He should change the topic but he didn't know how to without ending it.

"Anyway, you probably want to get going." He said. He honestly didn't want to end the conversation. He couldn't help but want to get to know this girl. "Err, do you need a lift?" He offered.

"Nah." She replied. "I'll get a taxi. But, thanks for the offer."

She stood up and extended her hand to shake his once again, before leaving the room and running outside into the cold Autumn air as fast as she could. Once she was outside, she put her head in her hands. She was feeling attracted to her boss, which was the one thing she knew to never do within a ballet company. She let out a small groan before running to the edge of the road and waving her arm around to get a taxi.

John waited until she had left the room before he banged his head on his desk multiple times. Why was he behaving like an idiot? He'd promised himself that he wouldn't fall for another dancer he worked with. He'd managed to mess that up within one day.

"Fuck" He said to himself. He had really just set himself up for something he wasn't sure he needed right now.


	2. Things Could Change

**Second chapter! I have the whole story planned out, so I hope it should be good. Please review and leave your opinion so I can improve or write in what you want! Even if it's just as a guest, all reviews are welcome and I read every single one! Also, in the first chapter there was something about playing Clara as a child. To clarify: Clara is the name of one of the child dancers in the Nutcracker :)**

**Thanks, Shiri.**

* * *

Clara woke up bright and early for her second day. She didn't want to fuck this one up like she had the day before.

She made sure she was perfect, her hair neat and her shoes ready. She only lived a five minute taxi drive away from the studios, which was good because she could walk home in the evenings. Once she was sure she had everything she needed, she called for a taxi and got on her way to rehearsals.

She felt a bit more confident today and like she would fit in more. She'd met a few girls who she was sure to get on with very well. They all seemed to like her, or so she hoped at least.

Clara new that today was a big day for the girls who auditioned yesterday. Their lives could be changed on a piece of paper. She honestly didn't care for it much, but she knew how much it meant to the others so happily joined in the excitement in the dressing rooms.

At promptly eight' o'clock, the list was posted on Studio C's door, where the principals rehearsed. Clara waited her turn to look at the list from curiosity. It made sense that Astrid was the new prima. She was stunning and perfect. Clara was sure there were better dancers, but she had a grace to her that no-one could deny was a prima style.

Clara made sure she found Astrid to congratulate her in her new role. The girls then all quickly got to work. The corps was simply going over what they had done the day previously on this day, as Jack was working with the principals and soloists.

Clara looked up to the platform before they re-started the music and caught the director staring at her again. Once he realised she'd caught him, he begun to look around everyone which seemed very natural.

She planned on talking to him in the break and apologizing for how abrupt she was yesterday, but he had gone by the time they had reached that far.

Clara went back to her dressing room to find the water she'd left there by accident. As she was walking back, she saw a girl in the corridor. She wasn't crying, but she looked sad. It wasn't a distraught sadness though, more of an expected one. The girl was slumped against the wall, flexing and pointing her feet repetitively, as if it would make them more pointed than before.

Clara chose to go up to the girl and sit down next to her. "I'm Clara." She smiled as she made herself comfortable against the hard wall.

"Marie." The other girl replied.

Clara turned to face her and met Marie's eyes. "You okay?" Clara asked kindly.

Marie nodded and shrugged her shoulders. "Just a bit disappointed really. I knew Astrid would get prima, but I had really wanted it." Clara understood how she was feeling. This wasn't a spiteful feeling though, more one of constant failure for someone who had high dreams. "I mean, I can't complain. I'm now the top first soloist and all but I just feel like it's so typecast. Astrid dances so much like River did. She was perfect, you know. Everyone loved her. She had a ferocity in her that no-one else had. Even the director took a major fancy to her."

Clara smiled at the way she spoke of the dancers but found herself confused and what Marie meant. "What do you mean took a fancy? Sorry, I'm new."

Marie looked to Clara and smiled. "They were married, the old prima and the director. River's the old prima by the way. She was so much older than him, but I guess he was attracted to her." Marie chuckled to herself. "Who am I kidding? Everyone was attracted to her. She had that sort of air about her."

"I'd love to have met her." Clara smiled. "But Marie, don't be down about this. Astrid is just one of many amazing dancers like yourself. She's nothing special. Now come on, perk up a bit eh?"

Clara nudged Marie with her shoulder which put a smile on her face. "Yeah." Marie agreed. "Thanks Clara. You're new, you said?" She asked.

"Second day."

"Well, it's nice to know that there are some cool people around here." Marie looked at her phone and gasped. "Oh God, I'm meant to be practicing. See you around?"

Marie jumped up gracefully and started making her way down the corridor. Clara stood up too. "Yeah, see you!"

At least she'd accomplished one thing today, cheered someone up and made a friend. That was at least going to get her _somewhere._

Clara ran down the long hallways to get back to rehearsal. She was going to be in so much trouble if she was caught out for skipping. She was so worried about it that she didn't see where she was going, and walked straight into...

"John!" Clara exclaimed as she fell backwards. He grabbed her as quick as he could and pulled her to him before she went flying into the wall.

"You're one very clumsy ballerina." John laughed, releasing his grip on Clara once he saw that she was stable.

Clara smiled. "Ah, I have a clumsy side and a graceful side. Apparently the graceful one has chosen to stay hidden today."

"I can see that." John replied. "I can also see that you're either very late or you've taken an extremely long break." He looked down to his watch and tutted.

Clara bit her lip, like she always did when she got nervous. "Long story. Someone was upset and I thought I'd..."

"You thought you'd comfort them rather than be in rehearsals to make this ballet perfect? You thought you'd put someone's personal needs above the other fifty people you have to dance in unison with?"

Clara looked down to the floor and the feeling this was a telling off.

"Wow, didn't realised any ballerinas cared about each other when it came to reaching the top." Clara looked up at John's words and realised he knew what she'd been doing.

"But how did you...?"

"All the soloists walked past Marie in the hallway, but you were the only one to check she was okay. Shows you care for others." John looked towards the studio in which Clara was meant to be in. "But you should also care for your team too. Can't really practice alone?"

Clara nodded and walked past John. "Is that what you do alone in your office all day? Practice?" Clara teased as she walked down the corridor.

She only wished she could have seen just how scandalised John was at her comment. He thought his jaw could have reached the floor in shock. He gasped at her and saw her smirk. How did she make him so flustered like a teenager? He'd gotten used to all the innuendo after being married to River for five years, but now he felt like the childish, innocent boy he was before.

* * *

John had never had many friends in the company. They were all the board workers, who he only ever saw around ShowTime and for boring meetings to do with money. Lately, he found himself becoming more and more friendly with Ms Oswald, which was unusual as he never made friends within the cast.

She'd been there for four weeks now and had already got on good terms with him. Most dancers in the company called him sir or Mr Smith, but Clara never once hesitated in calling him John after that first day. They didn't always talk much, but they smiled to each other when the passed in the hallways and she always waved when he came into rehearsals. He felt like Clara was someone he could talk to. Seeing her always cheered him up and watching her dance made him happy.

The more he watched all the corps numbers, the more he realised just how much she stuck out from the rest. The way she presented herself just made her seem more professional and poised, even if she wasn't quite as much as the others.

Like Jack had said to him two weeks in, it was fascinating to watch someone who shouldn't be such an amazing ballerina, outshine the best in the country.

They had six weeks until Giselle would start performing for their five week run. It would show for most of December and just into January for the New year. He found it annoying how they were doing a show set in the summer in the Winter. He much preferred the Nutcracker and Swan Lake, but they were overdone. Besides, Swan Lake was planned for next season so they could hire a new prima who was better swan. Astrid was a good dancer, but he didn't think she was very good at taking on roles.

He was sorting out things for the costume department when he got the call to tell him his divorce had gone through.

He'd been separated from River for a year now, but this was the finalisation. He suddenly felt lonely and with a strange desire to get drunk and pour out his feelings onto someone. Well, maybe not that, but just someone to talk to.

He could sense this was going to be another night of drinking alone as he started to leave the building. It just so happened that in that moment, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"You alright?" Clara asked as he turned to face her. "You look down in the dumps."

John nodded and attempted a smile which she saw right through. "I'm good, I'm good." He saw her raise her eyebrows in disbelief. "Fine, my divorce was just finalised and I feel like shit, happy?"

Clara stood up on her toes and pulled him in for a hug. It wasn't at all unwelcome and he wrapped his arms around her petite frame in return.

"Come on you." Clara smiled. She started walking towards the pavement and he stood staring in confusion. She turned around and beckoned him over. "Well, what you waiting for?" She asked cheerfully.

"What do you mean?" He asked bewildered, walking to her side.

"You've just divorced your wife, which means you're either going to celebrate and get drunk or be depressing and get drunk. Either way, drink's on me."

John couldn't help but smile at her logic and gave in. "Fine, but I'm paying for at least one drink."

Clara looked up to him. "Not too many." She warned. "We still have one day of rehearsals left before Sunday."

"What happened to the good old Friday nights and weekends?" John laughed.

"Our Director insisted we work six days a week! That's what happened." Clara stuck her tongue out at John, who did the same in return. They both felt like five year olds but they didn't care.

It caused them both to laugh and John realised it was the first time he'd properly smiled and laughed in months. Clara suddenly jumped and stuck her arm out into the road as she saw a taxi turn the corner.

* * *

They drove to a nearby bar, which Clara claimed wasn't too empty but wasn't too crowded.

They sat down and ordered a few drinks. The more John drank, the more he poured out his life story with River to her.

He told her all about how he'd met her. He'd been given the director o the ballet at an extremely young age. She was ten years older than him, but he'd seen past that. They got married within a year of knowing each other. She was already thirty-three and didn't want to be a spinster.

Their relationship had started to bend two years before, when John asked for kids. River was getting older and soon wouldn't be able to have them, but she said it would ruin her career. John had told her that her career was nearly over anyway and she should make the most of what time she had left. Her refusal had crushed him as he'd always wanted kids. They started to break apart and when he had to fire her from the company, they split.

Clara felt extremely sorry for John. He hadn't exactly had the easy end of the stick with his marriage, and he was only nearing thirty.

Once Clara had heard his story, she ordered three more beers for him to drown his sorrows in. John realised how much he valued Clara. She didn't say anything to him or try and give him a tip for next time, just listened to his story and then laughed with him as a friend. He couldn't have asked for anything more. She understood him which was so different than usual.

John was halfway through telling his tale about when one of the ballerinas wet herself on stage and the others slipped on it, when Clara got tapped on the shoulder.

She turned around and immediately stood up screaming. "Adam!" She cried pulling the man behind her into a hug. John took a good look at his face. He was roughly the same age as Clara and was very handsome. His blue eyes were surrounded by locks of brown hair. He was annoyingly perfect and reminded John of Disney prince. He'd always hated clichés .

"What are you doing here?" Clara asked happily.

"Oh you know, just this and that." Adam replied.

Clara talked to the boy for five minutes, but John could barely hear what they were saying over the loud banter surrounding them. Not that he particularly wanted to either. He was slightly annoyed as he had assumed that this was _his_ time with Clara.

He had no idea where his thoughts were coming from, but he assumed his intoxicated brain. When Clara finally sat down, he finished the rest of his pint.

"Sorry about that." Clara smiled. "Old friend."

John turned to her. "How old?"

"We met at Uni." She clarified at John's confused face. He didn't know she had attended university. "I studied performance dance for a year as I was training further for ballet. He always fancied me. Wouldn't believe it now, but he was really dorky back then." She laughed off what she said.

"Oh, so you two weren't very close?" John asked hopefully.

"If by close you don't mean that I took his virginity, then no, we weren't close at all."

John's eyes widened at her and she laughed. "You know flies will get in if you don't shut your mouth." She teased. "And don't stare at me like that! We dated for six months! You honestly didn't think I was an innocent virgin did you?"

John suddenly felt much more sober. "Nope, of course not, I just..." He was feeling some sort of hatred towards this man and he'd never even said one word to him. This was definitely the alcohol, he told himself. "I just wasn't expecting you to say that."

Clara laughed and prodded John's arm. "Well, we best be getting you home before you try and do anything stupid. Come on." Clara stood up and practically dragged John out of the bar. She would never admit that she'd had nowhere near as much as he had. She guessed he wasn't going to show to work the next day, or if he did it would be with sunglasses.

She put John in a taxi and paid the driver, before getting her own and driving home. She didn't think John had realised how jealous he looked of Adam, which is what made it all the more fun to tease him. In honesty, Clara would love to blame how she was feeling on alcohol, but she loved spending time with John. They got on so well and made each other happier. Of course, she'd never tell him that because he'd never feel the same way. Besides, she'd known him for only a month and they'd barely talked in that time.

Clara wasn't at all surprised when John didn't show to rehearsal the next day and she made sure to leave an extra loud answer-phone message for him when he woke up. At least they could be friends, for now.


	3. Not Good, Phenomenal

**So, new chapter! Sorry for no update yesterday, but I fell asleep before I could. Just noticed how long all these chapters are. I usually say min.1000 words but these are all around the 3000 mark! Hope you like them! Please tell me if this is rubbish because I won't mind. And please excuse all spelling mistakes, I'm reeaally tired :/**

**I tried my hardest to explain all the ballet terminology in this, but there were times when I just couldn't and had to use the actual words. It's easier to describe in an action that write it without sounding patronising. So, if you don't understand the terminology I'm really sorry!**

**Oh, and 26 follows with 500 views?! WOW. I love you guys so much! aaah**

* * *

Time passed so quickly when rehearsals went on day and night. Four weeks left and everyone was starting to panic .Of course, the ballet was already perfect and all the fuss was over nothing, but the ballerinas liked to work themselves up just for the drama of it.

Clara wasn't nervous. She rarely got nervous of performing and it wasn't even like she had anything to be scared about. If she messed up, no-one would ever know. She could just hide at the back and pretend that she got it right.

Except, not tonight. She couldn't believe Marie had put her up to this. It was going to be so embarrassing if anyone else from the company saw her there. That's why she was going to sneak off before anyone could ask what she was doing that night. It was Saturday after all and they all had a very unhealthy habit of sipping orange juice at bars, which frankly confused Clara to pieces. She understood that you weren't meant to drink, but going to a bar for just orange juice never made any sense to her.

The moment rehearsals were over, she got changed and threw on a jumper top, before gathering her gear into her bag and meeting Marie and Lily at the doors. She thought she was going to get away clean when...

"Clara!" John called to Clara as he ran to meet her outside the building. She sighed and turned to face him. She was very tempted to make a mean comment, but she decided against it.

"John." She smiled. He caught up to her and grinned in return.

"Before you go, I was wondering if you wanted a drink tonight?" He sounded hopeful and Clara hated to pull him down.

"Sorry," she started, "I've got to go somewhere tonight. I'm actually going to be late so, goodbye!" Clara turned to start heading off, but John grabbed her wrist and turned her around.

"Where are you going? I could come too?" He pouted slightly and looked down to her feet guiltily. "Please? We haven't talked since last week when I got hideously drunk on you."

She could tell he'd been regretting telling her so much, but also that he was relieved to have it off his shoulders. It had been burdening him for some time after all.

"Erm, I don't know." Clara replied.

"Come!" Marie chirped in. "We're competing in the dance-off in Leicester square!"

Clara gave Marie an exasperated look and turned back to John. "Yeah, kinda." She said meekly.

John looked puzzled for a moment before mouthing an "oh" in realisation. "You're doing that thing? Isn't it all the dancers from the shows that compete? Never been, didn't want to look at the hideous dancing."

"Oh thanks." Clara teased. "And yeah, you have a minute to freestyle. Judged on technique and difficulty. You get the jist. I wasn't planning on doing it, but a certain little someone signed me up."

Clara shot Marie a deathly glare as she giggled from behind her.

"Can I watch?" John blurted out suddenly.

Clara looked up at him in shock. "What? Why would you want to do that?"

John winced slightly at her harsh tone. "I just thought...I just thought that maybe, I dunno, I could take you for a drink after? If you win of course?"

Clara really couldn't deny an offer like that, especially when he started to pout. "Fine." She mumbled in slight annoyance. She started to heading towards the tube station, not uttering one word to John who looked a little too pleased with himself for her liking.

The cold was biting her hands and she kept having to resist the urge to cuddle up to John. She didn't know why she wanted to, he just looked so...cuddly. She kept mentally slapping herself. He was her boss and they were just friends; all they could ever be.

* * *

When they finally arrived, Clara saw the huge crowd outside to watch. "Oh great, loads of people will see if I fuck this up." She murmured to herself.

"You won't." Chimed John from behind her. She'd almost forgotten he was there for a moment.

Clara looked at him gratefully. "Thanks." She replied, considering what he'd just said. It made her smile and she didn't deny the warm feeling that ran through her body at his words. She started stretching, pulling her leg up by her head and doing foot exercises. John hadn't realised just how flexible she was.

She heard the presenter of the competition start announcing things. He quickly went through the rules. Everyone paired up and had thirty seconds to improvise a dance on the spot. Then, one of the pair would win depending on their mark which was judged by dance professionals and the winner would go on to face a winner of another pair. Once it got to the final two pairs, they would be given one whole minute to be creative and then a whole dance for the final. The winner would then perform again as well as win £5000.

"£5000?" John exclaimed, mouth agape. He thought it was anwful lot for some lame dance competition.

"How do you think Marie finally convinced me to do it?" Clara laughed, nudging Lily with her arm. "You watching Lil?" She asked sweetly.

"Yeah." The other girl replied. John realised she was a second soloist. She was quiet and pretty, but just another dancer.

"I'll watch too." John said slowly, double-checking that was okay. No-one said anything to correct him so he assumed it was. "I can be a supporter of the two girls in my company."

The girls both flashed him a smile as they stretched out for a final minute. Marie then grabbed her bag and put on her pointe shoes. Once she had gone up on them for a few moments, she removed her jumper to reveal a modern-style leotard and black tights underneath. It looked very smart and well presented. Her hair was still in a bun from rehearsal.

"You should do the swan dance." John said to Marie.

"All pre-rehearsed choreography is banned." Clara butted in. "Has to be improvised."

John remembered that part. "Oh yeah." He mumbled to himself. He turned to Clara as she removed her Jumper top. She was wearing a black tank top and leggings. He had expected her to look the same as Marie, but she didn't for some reason. She then pulled two skin coloured slippers out of her bag and put them on.

"Clara!" Marie shouted. "Why aren't you wearing your pointes?"

Clara laughed to herself. "No-one said you had to do ballet now, did they?"

John looked confused. Clara was an amazing ballerina. He was sure that was her strong point.

During his thoughts, all the acts were called to the front of the crowd to wait. John fought his way to the front to get a good view. As he got there, he was unfortunately recognised by one of the judges, who allowed him to stand directly behind them as they had the best views. Being well known in the dance world had it's perks but it was also annoying as he hadn't wanted to be recognised.

Marie was on second and he cheered as she stepped onto the stage. She was against a break dancer, and considering this competition was slightly based on technique, he highly doubted that the boy would beat her.

She danced beautifully, not a pirouette or arabesque out of place. It wasn't very original, but it was well danced. He wasn't surprised though, she was a great dancer. He just wished that she would dance with more soul and passion as it would make the performance so much more beautiful.

She undoubtedly won and looked very pleased about it. He faintly saw Clara hugging her from the side of the stage.

John watched a few dances, wincing as some people danced beautifully but didn't point their feet. That's what he couldn't stand about modern training. Teachers trained their kids to do amazing tricks and leaps, but they wouldn't point their feet or do it in the right position, and once a habit has been let off for years and years, it never goes away.

He tuned back in when he heard Clara's name being called. She was up against a tap dancer. Tap dancers usually won as it was all about the beat, and improvising to a song they heard a moment before is hard.

The other dancer went first, everyone quietening so that they could hear the taps over the song playing. John identified it as Love Is On The Radio by McFly, his guilty pleasure.

The tapper was amazing and he could see Clara get nervous from the edge. She looked over to him and he flashed her a encouraging smile which greatly seemed to improve her mood.

Once the thirty seconds were up, Clara stayed at the side of the stage. John thought for a moment that she wasn't going to dance, but then he saw her point her foot perfectly and he knew that she was preparing.

The music came back on and Clara ran into a front aerial, not a foot out of place. He hadn't known she could do that. It was like an explosion on stage, her leaps and turns higher than the others and her movements all correct.

He watched, fascinated, as she started on a turn sequence. She did ten pirouettes before starting fouettes. After six fouettes, she gracefully extended her leg out in port de bra and held it for a few beats, hearing the cheers from how beautifully she ended her spins and her strength in supporting the leg. It felt like she was telling a story in her dance, and her face said the same thing.

She then pulled her leg down slowly and took two runs before changing direction in a grand jete, leaving the floor at an incredible height, her legs open beyond split before she landed. Retracting the leg, she pulled into a plie and then out into a tendu to end her piece.

John started at her in amazement. He was certain he had just seen someone revolutionise dance in front of his eyes. She had used ballet, but added one or two things from modern to make the piece meaningful and more emotional. He looked to the judges as they all nodded to each other in agreement. Anyone would have been stupid not to choose Clara.

John found himself considering something new. On American TV shows, everyone saw the children doing all these beautiful leaps and turns but lacking in actual technique. Unfortunately, the general public don't realise that and think they are all amazing. Clara did nothing like that though, she used ballet to do the most beautiful movements, but contemporary modern to link it together.

It could never be done in huge numbers, but as a solo it worked. John was still in a daze when they announced Clara as the winner of her round, after they asked what she worked as and she told them a ballerina for the Royal ballet. She ran off the stage beaming and he fought his way through the crowd to get to her.

Clara was hugging Marie and Lily, but squealed as two strong arms picked her up from behind and hugged her tight.

"Well done Clara." John congratulated her.

John released her and Clara turned to face him. "Thank you." She said modestly.

"Clara, I mean it. That was amazing. I never knew how much of a beautiful dancer you are." John held her hand in his and Clara knew the girls behind her were staring, eyes wide.

"Oh, only just realising now are you?" She teased to soothe the awkward tension. He released his grip and smiled at her.

"I always knew you were amazing. I was a fool for not realising you're phenomenal."

Clara pulled John into a hug as a thank you. As they pulled away, John turned to Marie upon realising that he shouldn't be favourable.

"Well done Marie, you are a beautiful dancer. You truly shine when you get the chance." Marie smiled at that, praying it would be mean that she would be featured more next season.

The next two rounds went swiftly, Clara and Marie both winning. They were both so happy, until they were called against each other in the semi-finals.

Clara looked over to Marie with an apologetic look. "Marie, don't hold back. We both go for it and have fun, yeah?"

"Yeah." Marie agreed, pulling Clara into a good luck hug.

"Oh, and if I win, you get half the money." Clara teased. Marie laughed at that.

"Same to you." She replied. It may have been awful, but Marie knew she was going to lose. Watching Clara dance had made her realise just how amazing the new girl was. She felt no spite towards her, but a little sorrow. Clara had been told all her life that she couldn't be a ballerina because she wasn't right, but somewhere along the way she had made it and developed her own style. That was something Marie would never have, a determination to win and something unique about her. Of course she wasn't going to give up, but she knew the end result the moment they were announced together.

Clara had four beats to listen to her music before she started her minute. By now in the competition, the people had seen what kind of thing they danced to and what would be appropriate, yet challenging. She would have different music to Marie and she was unsure if that was a good thing or not.

Clara's music started and she realised she didn't know the music. She counted the speed in her head and noted that the music was a nice speed.

She would have to dance this by ear and she was unsure about that. She started out with a developpe, and moved into chasses. She felt the music started to progress and did a pirouette as the music went into a moment of silence. As she came out of the pirouette, she flew into side split leap and the music suddenly started at a new race and louder than before. The audience would have assumed she knew that piece from how well she had timed it. She did an attitude into an arabesque, before collapsing her feet beneath her and doing a back aerial with a presentation once she landed it. She could hear the music begin to die as she lifted her leg up in a grand battements and extended it out the side slowly, pointing it on the floor in a finishing position.

She heard the audience cheer as she finished and she felt a wave of relief hit her as she moved to the side of the stage. Marie would definitely win from how badly she'd messed up her dance, she thought to herself.

Marie got a waltz piece, dancing her movements out perfectly. She'd obviously heard it before and it had given her the upper hand. Clara had accepted she couldn't win and was happy for Marie.

Once the dance ended, Clara came back on stage as the judges gave in their scores. She shot Marie a congratulations look as they said the name, before realising it was hers they read out.

"What?" Clara said to herself. She walked off stage extremely confused, to see John smiling at her. "How the hell did I win? I didn't know the music!" She asked him, in confusion.

John laughed. "Maybe that made it so beautiful. Clara, you flowed with the music. It was so spontaneous and free. They liked that. Don't doubt yourself."

Clara shook her head and turned to Marie. "Marie, I'm so sorry..." she started.

"Don't be." Marie looked to her. "But you better win, because I want that £2500!"

They both laughed and Clara nodded. "I'll make sure I will.

The other favourite from the competition won the other final and then they were up against each other, fighting it up. The man she was competing against was currently in The Book Of Mormon and an amazing dancer. He had beautiful rhythm and style which was hard to beat.

Clara stepped out on stage and waited. He was to go first and she flashed him a good luck smile. She hated being competitive and thought it was nice to cheer on the competition. She got a smile in return which made her feel good about herself.

The man's music started, and it was a Charleston/Smooth Jazz piece. He glided beautifully along the floor, flowing to the music and being truly entertaining.

Every step he took made Clara get more scared .She couldn't just hope for the best like last time. She was still panicking when the music ended and she took centre stage.

Clara smiled to herself, realising how well she knew this song. It was called Dancing. The music was slow, but meaningful. She could really convey these lyrics to the audience.

She started on the floor, extending her body beautifully and stretching to the beat. Then the lyrics started and Clara suddenly jumped up and started to dance out the lyrics.

John watched in the audience, touched by her dance, as was everyone else. The song was about holding onto the person you love in the last moments and praying that they will remain as perfect as they always were.

The music had been cut down to make the song a little shorter, but Clara still knew the piece well. She had danced to it in her bedroom so many times and planned out an ending perfectly. This was the chance she had to express that movement.

The ending chorus came and she threw her leg up by her head, turning continuously and holding it there without support. She then pulled her leg down as her arms went up into fifth, turning more and more. She slowed as she extended her leg and placed it behind her, springing into a high pas de chat and landing in an arabesque.

She ran to the side and did two beats of her ankles in the air before ending it in an open spilt and balancing on one leg perfectly as she landed it. She pulled her leg back through and started her fouettes. She'd always been amazing at fouettes, which was strange as so many people found them hard. She turned and turned until the music started to come down. She slowly turned down to the ground and did a slow reach to the audience before collapsing onto the floor as the music stopped.

The crowd erupted into a cheer and she stood up, taking a curtsey. No-one was at all surprised when she won, least of all John.

She ran off stage, hugging him tightly. Everyone was congratulating her as John walked off to the judges panel. Earlier in the night, he had paid someone to film all of Clara's performances from the judges panel. He took the recordings and thanked the man for his help.

When he finally found Clara again, she pulled him in for a kiss. He started to flail, unsure of what to do but then found himself responding enthusiastically and putting his hands on her waist.

Clara pulled back moment later looking horrified. "Sorry." She whispered. She looked around to check the other girls hadn't seen, which she was grateful they hadn't. That would have been a nightmare.

"Don't be." John murmured in response, cupping her face with his palm and pulling her in for one more kiss.

* * *

Monday mornings where a pain. John walked into his office and wanted to cry when he found five new voice messages on the phone. He listened to each one through carefully and started to smile. He'd known this would happen since she won that competition. Now all he had to do was talk to the board about Clara.

* * *

**PS note: Clara's dancing is meant to be pure ballet just with more fluidity and free movement. Wasn't sure if that made sense or not :/**


	4. Accidents Happen

**One week until Christmas! So sad :( Unfortunately as I wash just scrolling through my dash, .uk released stuff from the BFI screening and I now know Matt's last words. I'm extremely upset as I didn't want to know and it wasn't fair. **

**Anyway, 1000 views already? Wow. I just cannot believe that. I love you guys so much!**

**Please R+R!**

* * *

Two weeks. Only two weeks left before Clara performed in her first ever Royal ballet production. Mind, she was only in the corps but that is an amazing achievement for anyone. If she could only go back to when she started ballet class and tell her three years old self that she would one day be a ballerina, she would do it.

Her father, Dave, and her Grandmother were coming on the second performance. they hadn't counted on the first one being as sold out as it was. Clara had tried to warn them but they hadn't listened.

Clara had barely spoken to John since she'd snogged him after winning that competition. It's not exactly like he'd said no, but they'd just not really seen each other. She smiled at him awkwardly when they passed in the hallway, but other than that she felt like it was inappropriate to do much more. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she couldn't help feeling that way.

The whole company were now coming together for full rehearsals in the studios. One hundred people cramped into a studio to dance, even though it was fairly big, was always going to be a nightmare. Clara felt lucky to be able to hide in the corner for most of it so she wouldn't be noticed or shouted at. Jack was getting extremely frustrated if anyone went wrong at this point and she really didn't want to get on the wrong side of him.

John stood watching the whole company on the platform. He couldn't help but stare at Clara though. She looked nervous and a little worried, but her dancing was just has beautiful as ever. He'd been trying to avoid Clara a little since the competition. Simply, she enchanted him and he was scared that if he got close again he would be able to stop himself from kissing her senseless. No-one had had that effect on him before, not even River.

He was falling, hard and fast for Clara. Every small thing she did would make him want her more and it would annoy him because he couldn't allow that to happen again. Relationships with employees cloud judgement and the people around you may not think your decisions are the best because it might only be beneficial for the person you happen to be screwing.

As John was watching Clara, she managed to dance into one of the taller men, sending her against another dancer and causing a bought of human dominoes. He instantly was about to check she was okay, but she was laughing her head off. John could tell Jack was about to shout, but upon seeing just how funny the situation was, started laughing too. Maybe they needed laughter amongst all this stress.

To be honest, it was rare to see so many graceful dancers fall down on top of each other with loud bangs. They all seemed so confused themselves and their faces were a sight. John looked at Clara who smiling and laughing at her own clumsiness. The man she bumped into stood up and extended his hand for her to take so she could get up.

She gave him a hug and kissed his cheek. John felt like an idiot for the flame of jealousy in his chest. She was only thanking him, it shouldn't have stirred such a reaction in him, but it did.

The other dancers got off the floor and started to laugh too. Soon, the entire studio was laughing as Jack called a five minute break.

Clara ran off to her dressing room to get some water and clear her head. She wasn't feeling great which is what had made her dizzy, subsequently causing the great fall of the ballerinas.

Clara turned around as she heard someone knocking at the door, to see John standing in the doorway. "Quite a scene you made there Miss Oswald." He teased, stepping into the room.

"Well, I do try to impress Mr Smith." Clara replied, biting her bottom lip. John noticed she always did that when she was flirting with him, or when she was nervous. It seemed she was that way all the time around him.

"Impressions are everything." John replied. Clara eyed him carefully and furrowed her brow.

"What do you want?" She asked slowly, putting her water bottle back in her bag.

John opened his mouth agape and pretended to look shocked. "I just wanted to say hello and see how you are! It's been a while!"

Clara tutted under her breath. "And here I thought you were going to ask for a quickie. Shame."

John found himself gaping like a fish, his mouth opening and closing at her as his arms flailed around uncontrollably. "No, no, I didn't mean...Oi!" He scolded her, realising she was only teasing.

She raised her eyebrows at him and bit the inside of her lip to stop herself laughing at his childish behaviour.

"Come on chin boy, you've got work to do." She said, walking past him out of the room.

"There is nothing wrong with my chin!" He complained under his breath following after her.

"Actually, I'll think you find it really gets in the way whilst kissing." Clara teased. She immediately regretted saying it once it came out of her mouth. That was the one topic she'd wanted to avoid. She turned back to face him. "I mean...I...You know..."

Unsure of what else to say, Clara ran back to the studio, leaving behind a very confused John.

* * *

She danced for the next few hours, watching as Astrid performed beautifully. She was a great dancer, but Clara didn't care too much for her. They'd never had a chance to get on friendly terms, but they didn't dislike one another. It was more of a just not being very well acquainted situation.

Clara gave Marie a huge grin before her solo section came up. She loved Marie's part as it contained some great choreography. It looked so fun to do and it was also fun to watch.

Marie went in and out of her turns gracefully. John was watching from above, admiring her skill. Her solo section only lasted around five minutes, including other people coming in and out of the scene to dance with her.

Jack was watching carefully. They were just coming up to the part where three other soloists had to come on stage to dance with Marie. As one of them ran on, they accidentally ran in Marie's path as she was about to land a beating step.

The change in direction knocked Marie's landing and she fell over her ankle and off her pointes. It had all happened so quickly, but everyone in the studio went silent and the piano player stopped immediately. Clara stood up to see what had happened, but Jack and John were already running over to Marie who was lying on the floor.

"Out of the way!" John cried. "I've been trained in medicine, I can help." He knelt down beside Marie and examined her ankle. He knew from one look that it was definitely broken. She was trying to stop herself from crying in pain, but her ankle was in agony.

Clara pushed through the gathering crowd. "Someone get a car and take her to the hospital!" John shouted. He was whispering to Marie on what position to stay in. He obviously knew what he was doing.

Clara ran into the hallway and through to the reception, where she told them what had happened as they got a car waiting outside. She opened the door as John carried Marie into the car and drove her to the hospital.

Everyone was forced to get back to work and to skip out Marie's part for the current time. They would decide what was to happen when John got back. Jack was trying to fool himself that Marie's ankle wasn't broken, which he knew perfectly well that it was.

Clara prayed that the break wouldn't be too bad. If Marie could never dance again, she would lose everything. It was the fear that every dancer secretly contained and it was unfortunate for Marie that it might come true.

They spent the next hour going over the finale, making sure it looked perfect. The company stopped dancing when they heard a cough from the door.

"Marie will not be performing in this ballet with us, as she has broken her ankle. We're not sure if she will return as of yet." John was clearly upset to say this. He always hated revealing to everyone else that a dancer may never dance again. It was the most devastating news and made everyone upset.

He'd waited with Marie at the hospital until she got her diagnosis and then returned to tell the news.

Everyone was stood still facing him, waiting for what else he had to say.

"Erm, Lily?" He asked, looking around for the girl. "Do you know Marie's part?" He asked softly.

Lily nodded. "That's now your part. Better be perfect." John announced.

The crowd looked around to see who would be replacing Lily. She was in a fair few duets and small group sections, ad as awful as the situation was, if this was their chance to shine then they had to take it.

John walked to the back of the room and the company rotated so that they were still in his view.

"Clara." He looked over to the far corner to see Clara look up. "Studio B, five minutes. You're learning Lily's part." She nodded obediently and waited for the music to start, like everyone else.

* * *

John walked straight to studio B, pacing around. He was extremely nervous. He was scared that the ballet would fall apart because changing things, two weeks in advance was always risky. He had considered pulling in the second team, but he thought it wasn't fair for people in the first team to be demoted below those in the second. Of course, someone from the beta team would take Clara's place in the corps but that was easily learnt and he wasn't worrying about that.

He hadn't known why he chosen Clara. He just thought that she would learn it the fastest and she was the first person that came to mind when he thought about who he should give a solo to. He was going to give her Marie's part, but that would have been a high promotion and people would have started to accuse him of favouritism which was always his least favourite thing.

"Hello?" Clara knocked at the door and stood there quietly.

"Come in." John replied and she walked to the centre of the room to meet him. She stood in fifth, arms in bra-bar upon waiting instructions.

John picked up his book and looked through the notes for this section of choreography. He was grateful that he already knew it, as Jack was busy and it would be quicker for him to just teach it.

As John turned back to Clara, he noticed that her eyes were sore and her cheeks were red. "Clara?" He asked cautiously. "Have you been crying?"

Clara shook her head slowly but he knew that she was lying.

"Clara?" He asked once more and she turned to him with tears in her eyes. He'd never seen her so vulnerable and he felt like he was taking advantage of her in some way. She pulled her arms around him and cried into his chest for a few moments. He quite enjoyed the feel of her breath on his chest, but now wasn't the moment for thinking like that.

"Sorry." She said hoarsely, taking a step back and wiping her eyes. "It's just, I never thought that Marie could lose her dance career just like that. It could happen to all of us and that would be it .Our whole career would be over and we would have nothing. That's what will happen when we get old too."

"You know, that's why I never became a dancer." John murmured comfortingly.

"What?" Clara snapped her head up. "Sorry, I didn't know you actually danced yourself?"

John laughed to himself and nodded. "Yeah, I got the secondary lead in my first ever ballet when I was twenty-one. Did one whole run before I sprained my ankle. It was fine, but the Doctor's told me I had hyper-active joints and that if I carried on dancing the way I was, it would happen more frequently. He wrote that in a letter to the director of the company and that was it, I was fired."

Clara looked up in horror. "But that's so unfair!" She stumbled.

"Life is unfair." John whispered. Clara wasn't sure if it was to her or himself. She knew from her own personal experiences that this was true. "That's why it killed so much to see how upset Marie was. But, we mustn't let ourselves get down over it."

John pulled Clara back in for a hug and kissed her head. "Come on, back to work." He said cheerily. She nodded, attempting a smile, and wiped her eyes.

He started by telling Clara the steps and she performed them perfectly, not forgetting a single one. It was mostly about her learning the choreography so that she was perfectly in time with the other girls she had to dance with.

Then came the part where two girls had to dance with two boys. They would both duet on either sides of the stage. John smiled to himself and ran through the moves.

Just as Clara was about to perform it through once more, she felt John step in behind her and take the man's place. One hand was placed on her hip and his other was holding her hand as she stood in a tilted arabesque. The gesture was warming and she wanted to close her eyes to absorb the dance.

John danced it through carefully with her, making sure he was teaching her the steps along the way. He admired how she looked like she was flying when he lifted her in the air. She didn't look scared or unsure. It was like she was a feather and he could hold her there for a million years.

They ran through the dance several times, neither of them getting bored. John finally let Clara stop and turned to face her. "You are brilliant." John told her.

"You are too." Clara smiled affectionately in return. They both started to lean in slowly. Clara was just about to close her eyes, when they heard a knock at the door and sprang apart quickly.

A smart woman opened the door and Clara looked over to her. "John, we have to sort out the finances _now._ You can't just keep putting it off skinny boy. Now, come on!"

She was obviously a board member and John suddenly looked like a guilty kid.

"Coming Donna!" He shouted over to the woman. John turned back to face Clara, but she had already begun to leave. "Clara!" He called out to her, making her stop and turn.

"Yeah?" She asked nervously.

John looked at Clara and then over to Donna. He looked down at his feet and thought of what to say. "Don't forget your dance." He nodded at his answer and she nodded in acceptance. Clara left the studio and ran out as fast as she could.

* * *

Once she was home, Clara leant against her door and groaned out in frustration. She had been so close to kissing him and then he just dismissed her. Maybe he didn't like her after all.

Everything in that day had made her so confused. She ran to the bathroom and started taking a shower, missing John's calls. Maybe if she had answered them, he would have finally told her the truth about how he felt, and maybe she would have told him that she felt the same way.

* * *

**To guest (lissie) I love the films but I don't know the story very well. But if you tell me it, I might edit it a bit and I would definitely have a go! I'm not huge on completely copying out storylines because I like to change things, but it would be based on that idea! It's an amazing idea btw :) xo**


	5. With You In Mind

**So, this chapter is shorter than the rest because the rest have all been considerably longer than I usually ever write! Sorry, but it's my last day of school tomorrow and I am performing all morning for the whole school several times over. **

**Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. Please review because I love reading them and thank you so much to everyone who's reading! **

* * *

Clara was twisting and jumping around her living room. She had one hour until her father arrived and she wouldn't get the chance to dance whilst he was there, unless he insisted she perform for her Grandma .

She'd shoved on a piece of music and her pointe shoes and danced around whilst tidying. It was extremely relaxing. She currently was playing When I Look At You, when she heard someone knock at the door. Assuming it would be her Dad, she shouted "Come in! It's open!"

John stepped into the room and smiled as Clara did a double pirouette before falling over upon realising who it was.

"Sorry!" She cried, turning off the music. She ran over to him and bit her lip nervously. "I thought you were my Dad."

John laughed. "Well, I've never had that before, but I have been mistaken for people's fathers."

Clara laughed. "Oh really?"

John raised his eyebrows. "Seriously! This kid once clung to me in a tube station and I couldn't find the parents."

It was so like John to actually bring that sort of thing up, Clara just laughed. "Anyway, what you here for chinboy?"

John pouted and stroked his chin, like he always did when he made fun of it. "I wanted to wish you luck for tonight. First performance and all."

John stepped forward and took Clara's hands in his as he leant in and kissed her cheek, his lips lingering longer than necessary.

Clara couldn't deny how her heart skipped a beat slightly. As he pulled back, he stared deeply into her eyes. "Thanks." Clara whispered. Her hands were growing warmer in John's but she didn't care. She could have stayed in that position all day and not bothered to move.

Clara leant forward again and so did John, this time their lips meeting. He moved his hands up her arms and then back down to her waist. She moved her hands up to his head and she twiddled the hair on the bottom of his neck between her fingers.

The kiss was subtle and sweet. Clara smiled into it and so did John when he felt her do it. It was a slow admission of hidden feelings that, they still may not be ready to discuss, but were telling themselves that they had in fact been growing for one another.

"Do you think Clara will mind if we're early David?" Clara jumped back from the kiss at the sound of her Grandmother's voice.

"My Nan and Dad are here." She whispered, still locked in her embrace with John.

"I don't care." John replied, stealing one last small kiss before letting Clara go. She felt cold without him and wanted to be back in his arms again. How could he have this affect on her?

"I'd better help." Clara laughed. She was about to walk out of her flat when John grabbed her wrist.

"Go out in your pointes and you might be murdered by the costume department." John pointed down to Clara's feet.

"Oh yeah." Clara laughed biting her bottom lip. She ran to her sofa and quickly removed her shoes.

By the time she stood up, Dave was in the doorway. "Clara!" he exclaimed, dropping his bag to pull his daughter in for a hug.

"Hi Dad." Clara murmured, embracing the hug and smiling into it. She saw John trying to shrivel into a corner out of the corner of her eye. She smiled at him reassuringly, but he looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Where's my granddaughter?" Clara laughed as she ran over to her Grandmother, pulling her in for a hug too.

"Hiya Nana." Clara mumbled into her shirt.

"God Clara, you haven't been eating enough! You're skin and bone! What are they paying you? Not enough I bet if you don't cook yourself any proper meals."

Clara pulled back and rolled her eyes. "Nan, just because I'm not fat doesn't mean I'm not eating! You can't exactly be a fat ballerina can you?" Clara was joking but Dave took the comment a little too serious.

"Clara, you always hear these rumours..."

"Dad, leave it. They don't weigh us every two weeks or any of that crap you sent me on facebook!"

Dave mumbled where he stood and Clara laughed, turning to face John.

"They think that you weigh us and we have to be size zero models. Oh and that you force us all into eating disorders." John suddenly realised the attention was on the extra person in the room.

Clara walked over to John and looked up to him, raising her eyebrows. "No, we don't do that anymore. I mean..."

John realised that wasn't the best answer to give for an introduction. "I mean, we never did in London and we are extremely against anyone size zero, but you can't be really over a size eight I think. I'm not too sure."

Clara giggled at John's mumbling. "Dad, this is the director of the Royal ballet, John Smith." She turned back to face her Dad.

"Oh, so this is your boss?" Dave asked curiously. Clara nodded. "What's he doing at your flat?"

"I came to wish her luck for tonight." John replied before Clara could. "Her first solo and all. You'll be there, I'm guessing?" He directed this question towards her Grandmother who seemed more friendly.

"Actually no. Clara didn't want us to come on the first night..."

"They didn't buy their tickets in time..." Clara interrupted.

"...I can't imagine why." Clara's Nan finished. John nodded his approval at Clara and she looked down to her feet, smiling.

"Well, I'd better be going." John said nervously. "Got a job to do and things to work out." John walked over to Clara and kissed her cheek quickly. "In case I'm too busy later, break a leg."

"Thanks." Clara whispered into his ear.

As John left, Dave nudged Clara with his elbow. "He definitely fancies you." Dave teased.

"He doesn't." Clara retaliated. "He's just polite." She grabbed her family's bags from the hallway and took them through to her bedroom. They were only staying three days so it shouldn't be too bad. "Oh, Dad you're on the blow up bed and Nan, you're in my bed."

Dave looked around the bedroom he followed Clara into. "Where are you sleeping?" He asked, concerned.

"I'll go on the sofa." Clara replied, heaving the bags onto her bed with a lot of strength. She had great body muscles, but she had no idea what on Earth her father had packed in his bag.

"No you don't young lady!" Dave objected. "You have to dance! Can't have cranky muscles now, can you?"

Clara opened her mouth to object put Dave put a finger on her lips. "No complaining, I'm taking the sofa." Clara knew that this was the end of the conversation. In honesty, she was slightly grateful but she kept feeling awful about it and wanting to double check he was sure.

She spent the rest of the day catching up with her family, before leaving for her performance. This was going to be a long four weeks, she knew.

* * *

John sat in the audience next to three board members. The show had gone well so far. Admittedly, not their best ever performance but it was good none the less.

He heard the music come up and he nudged the people beside him to point at the stage. They all leaned forward to examined what he had forced them to come and see. He watched closely too, examining every movement and their face at the same time, which was an extremely hard task to do.

He wasn't ever meant to do this, so he prayed no-one would find him out. When the interval finally came, John waited for the people beside him to talk.

"I know what you mean." Said the head of the board. "And you're right."

John let out a sigh of relief. For once, things had gone the way he'd planned.

* * *

Only one day left of this ballet and they would be done. Clara hadn't yet messed up and prayed that it would stay that way. Her Dad and Nana had enjoyed the show, telling her that she was amazing although she was sure they hadn't even realised who she was amongst everyone else.

Clara was leaving the building after her performance to go home, when she heard John calling her. He had been so busy as of late, they had barely spoken.

"Hi." She said chirpily to John as he approached her.

John grinned back. "Hey, I was wondering if you want to go to dinner tomorrow tonight? It's this huge after-party thing for the board and principals and I want you to be my plus one?"

Clara looked down to the floor. "Is that even allowed?" She asked quietly. "People would talk. It's not a great idea John."

John shook his head at her answer. "No, no-one minds! And besides, if you don't come I'll be lonely. You can just be my friend date if you want to be?" He was extremely eager to get her to go.

"Fine." Clara gave in stubbornly. "Where is it?"

"The Dorchester." John said simply. Clara's jaw dropped.

"John, I can definitely not afford that! It's so expensive!" She had always wanted to go to one of the top London restaurants, but would never be able to pay in a million years.

"Clara, I'm paying. Plus one, remember?" Clara shook her head slowly.

"You're not paying for me to eat _there._ It's too much!" he cross her arms across her chest.

"Clara, I earn a lot, I'm paying. Just wear something pretty, I know you'll look gorgeous."

Clara wanted to object, but was cut off with a chaste kiss and John walking away. She had definitely not expected to be invited to dinner at the Dorchester that evening. Nor had she expected to be John's date.


	6. Opening Up

**So, smut warning for this chapter. No idea if it's any good. I'm so tired, I don't even remember writing half of this! But I hope it gives you some more insight into the characters :)**

**So many views! Wow, thank you!**

* * *

The shows were over. Clara had changed into the dress she'd brought along with her and stood awkwardly outside her dressing room. She'd asked a few girls if they were going to this dinner and none of them had known about it.

When she couldn't see John after five minutes and everyone had started to leave, Clara decided that it wasn't worth waiting for. She always hated being taken to things with people that were senior cast members. She felt wrong amongst them all.

She pulled on her coat over the top of her little black dress and left the building. Once she was on the pavement, she looked down the road for any passing taxis. She was too cold to walk home.

No taxis arrived for a good few minutes and she was extremely grateful when she managed to wave one down. She was already sat in the cab when John stopped her from shutting the door.

"Clara?" He asked, looking at the slightly startled girl. "Aren't you coming to the dinner?"

He looked extremely upset at the idea she wasn't going to come and she could tell that he was trying his hardest not to show how much it meant to him.

"I'll be a minute." Clara said to the taxi driver before stepping out of the car. "Um, I thought that you might have forgotten about me, or not want me to go."

"Of course I want you to go! Do you not _want_ to go?" John was beginning to look increasingly more like a puppy that had been kicked in the stomach.

Clara bit her lip. "Of course I do!" She replied honestly. "Look, I'll come. I'm dressed and everything."

John nodded, scared he was making her feel bad. "If you don't want to, you don't have..."

"John, I just said that I want to go you idiot." She murmured her apologies to the cab driver before pulling John in for a hug. "I just thought you wouldn't want me there."

John shook his head before pecking Clara on the lips secretly. "I always want you with me." John whispered. His comment made Clara feel extremely...loved. She hadn't felt that way in a long time.

John took Clara to a car waiting at the side. She had a premonition that everyone around her at this dinner would be stinky rich. She wasn't far off at all, she realised as she arrived.

Donna waved to her, she remembered her from a few weeks back. "Clara, these are some of the board members." John directed Clara towards a group of people outside the restaurant. "This is Donna, who you know already. Then, here's Martha. She is the health and safety manager, and this David, the head of the board. Oh, and that's his plus one, Rose."

The man John had pointed out as David, elbowed him in the chest. Clara laughed at the friendly behaviour. "Everyone, this is Clara." John introduced.

"Well, hello Clara." David picked up Clara's hand and kissed it. John gave him a deathly glare which was returned with a cocky grin. The others all smiled politely before suggesting that they should get out of the cold and take their seats.

Clara was seated next to John on the table and next to some old person she'd never seen before who seemed very uninterested in having conversation with anybody.

Clara removed her coat and put it on the back of her chair before she sat down. She was slightly shocked when John picked up her coat and took it to a coat hook nearby. She gave him a small smile of gratitude before he came back to her. She was wearing a strapless black dress that complimented her figure beautifully. Her hair was down on her shoulders and she was wearing black strappy heels.

"You look...stunning." John murmured into her ear. Clara felt her cheeks get warmer.

"Thanks." She whispered quietly. She was secretly praying that she could hide away and be invisible amongst this extremely sophisticated crowd. She spotted Astrid with the other principals at the other end of the table and gave them a small wave.

She wasn't sure if it had been returned with glares or smiles, but she didn't bother turning around to look. Clara pretended to vaguely understand what the board were talking about for a few minutes and tried to ignore their heads turning constantly to stare at her, before they were handed their menus.

Clara opened it to almost flip. There was no way in hell she was allowing John to pay for her to eat some £70 meal that she might not even like. She scanned through for the cheapest thing possible and found that it was a dish of homemade chips. They were still very overpriced though and had to be bought with a main meal.

John turned to Clara after realising the menus had arrived and smiled at her ."What do you want to eat?" He asked happily.

Clara looked down at the menu. "Um, what are you having?"

"I think a salmon will do me." John replied. "Same for you?" He asked jokingly.

"Err, no. If you just order a side plate of chips with your meal, then I'll have that. That's if you don't mind?"

John furrowed his brow and took her hands in his. "Clara, you okay?" He was concerned, she could tell.

"Yeah. Just fine." She replied, adding a smile to the end.

John stood up and tugged Clara into the corridor towards the bathrooms, where the coat-pegs were. He raised his eyebrows at Clara.

"What?" She asked bluntly.

"What's up?" John asked.

"I don't feel like I should be here. They all keep whispering and staring at me and everyone's so rich and I'm not letting you pay for all that and I'm going to ruin your night and..."

John discovered that the easiest way to may Clara stop panicking was with a kiss. When he pulled away, she seemed to have calmed down slightly.

"Clara, I have enough money to pay. And no-ones staring at you."

Clara bit her lip. "I'm still eating a side plate." She argued stubbornly. "And they're definitely staring John. What have you said about me?"

John shook his head, smiling a devious smile. "You never give in do you?" John teased.

"Nope." Clara replied cheekily.

She walked out of the corridor and back to her seat politely, not ignoring the stares they got from everyone at the table. She then realised that she was holding John's hand and she shyly pulled away from him. They sat down at the table and ordered their food, Clara agreeing to have a plate of selected vegetables.

She managed to get into conversation with Martha about past productions from the ballet, which greatly intrigued her. When the food came, Clara had finally started to feel a little more comfortable around everyone. She ate her food, nodding to what people were saying even if she didn't understand it.

John left the room to go to the bathroom for a minute. She looked to the clock on the wall to see when she could get home when she felt a tap on her shoulder. David sat down next to her and smiled at her.

"I know what he was saying about you." David chirped.

"What has he said about me?" Clara laughed. "All bad things I'm guessing?"

David shook his head. "He's only ever been professional about you, but I definitely know when my baby brother is in love."

Clara nearly choked up on the sip of champagne she'd just taken. "You're what?" She said a bit loud.

"He didn't tell you? The sly bastard. I'm his big brother and coincidentally the person he has to approve everything with." David seemed a little too happy to say that.

"I barely know him." Clara said apologetically.

"According to him, he told you more than he's ever told anyone else about his life."

"Well, he told me about his wife but that's it." Clara took another sip of her drink, feeling that this was going to be a deep conversation.

"He told you about River?" David looked shocked. "I don't even know why they broke up! John trusts no-one. I'm the only constant he's ever had in life and he still tells me nothing."

"What about your Mum and Dad?" Clara asked curiously. She knew the moment the question was out that she shouldn't have said it.

"We were adopted." David replied. "Our adoptive parents died in a car crash when John was seventeen."

Clara gasped quietly. "I'm so sorry."

David just nodded. "Look after him okay? And whatever you're doing to him, carry on. He's opening up more nowadays. You have some effect on him."

David was about to carry on when he saw John coming back from the bathroom and ran back to his seat. "What did he tell you?" John asked nervously, venomously glaring at David.

"It doesn't matter." Clara replied. John knew she was lying, but he didn't feel like it was the right moment.

As the dinner went on, Clara started to catch what David was saying. They were speaking in hushed tones as the spoke of the new prima they were getting for next season. She noticed John's arm move around her at one point during the conversation and by the end of it, she was resting her head on his shoulder.

* * *

John eventually decided it was time to leave and left to his car. They sat silently on the way back, Clara fearing that something was wrong.

"Shit." John suddenly cried. "I forgot to ask your address. I just came home."

"It's fine, I'll walk." Clara replied. She felt John's hand on top of hers as she was unbuckling her seatbelt.

"No, could you stay?" John asked nervously.

"Of course." She smile supportively towards him.

Clara walked into the massive penthouse. It was beautiful and huge. He had a perfect dance floor in his living room and an enormous kitchen area.

John walked directly to the sofa and patted the space beside him for Clara to sit on. She followed his lead and sat down awkwardly. Why was she so awkward today?

"Clara, I know he told you that we're brothers. But...what else did he tell you?" John looked scared to find out.

Clara took John's hands in hers so he would look at her, which he still wouldn't. "What he told me doesn't matter. What you need to know is that you're not alone John."

"I know that you know I'm adopted. And I'm guessing he told you that they died?"

Clara nodded shamefully. This felt like an interrogation.

"What else did he say?" John asked, trembling.

"John." Clara whispered, her concern for him growing. "Nothing. Please, there's nothing to be scared about. I'd never judge you or hate you for anything so, please...just please look at me John."

John turned to stare at Clara. "I've lost someone too." Clara whispered. "My Mum died when I was sixteen. She always wanted to be a ballerina."

John smiled at the irony. "I remember when I was five, my birth parents took me to the ballet for Christmas."

Clara looked into John's eyes. She knew there was more to say, but she didn't want to push him. She had a feeling he'd never opened up this much before. She leant forward and kissed his lips.

It was like she could heal any pain with a kiss, and in that moment he really believed she could. The passion within them started to build, and neither one of them knew why, but they were overcome with lust.

John picked up Clara and carried her to his bedroom, his lips locking with hers. He placed her down on the bed and climbed atop her.

He leant back to silently ask her and she nodded in acceptance.

He reached behind her to unzip her dress and slowly pull it off, savouring every moment. Her body was so delicate beneath his fingers. Every touch had to be perfect, like ballet.

She was left in a black strapless bra and knickers. Clara resumed the lustful kiss and started to unbutton John's shirt. She felt his need digging into her stomach. Usually she would have teased him for it, but she knew that this wasn't the moment.

His shirt was soon off and Clara's hands roamed his muscled chest. A sense of urgency overcame her and she hastily unzipped John's trousers, discarding them to the side of the bed.

John's hands came up to remove Clara's bra before caressing her breasts expertly. He trailed his lips down her throat, causing her to moan softly. The sound set off something within him and found himself craving her more than ever. He would give anything to hear that heavenly sound again. He kissed and sucked on her breasts, making her gasp and moan occasionally.

Clara's hands started to wander south as she dipped her fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers and grasped his hard length. John stilled and gasped, his breaths becoming ragged. She pumped him slowly, every small movement causing him to grip Clara tighter and squeeze his eyes shut.

"Clara, I..." He couldn't finish the sentence, but she had received the message, removing his boxers.

John trailed his fingers down the plain of Clara's stomach and in-between her thighs. He pushed her knickers to the side and inserted two digits inside of her. She arched her back up into him and moaned into his neck.

"John, please." She whispered into his ear before biting his lope gently. He understood that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

He took no more time removing the final item of clothing and placing himself at her entrance.

Clara leant back to watch his face as he entered her. She moaned quietly as he grunted, his eyes still shut. Clara pulled him in for a kiss as she thrust her hips into his, wrapping her legs around his waist.

He received the urgent message and started to move, his lips never leaving Clara's body. He kissed every inch of her skin he could find, occasionally biting. Clara grasped John's hair with one hand whilst her other hand roamed over John's back, leaving half moons all over.

John's thrusts started to get ragged. "Clara, tell me now if you want me to..."

"All the way." Clara replied, sealing their lips with a kiss. Clara was building quickly and she could see John was holding out for her. Although she liked being the boss, she was also fond of men that were chivalrous.

Suddenly, the stars exploded around her and she screamed John's name into his neck. He followed shortly behind, crying out in ecstasy.

John collapsed down beside Clara, pulling her into his arms. He smothered her face in kisses. They were both clearly exhausted and fell asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

John woke up to hear the soft thrumming of pointe shoes on the floor. He sat up in bed and looked through to the living room. He smiled as he saw Clara in his dressing gown, her hair ruffled, in pointe shoes practicing her fouettes. He could see her counting out the numbers as she lipped them.

She went on for a while, finally finishing with four pirouettes. "Thirty-six." She whispered to herself gleefully.

John got out of bed and pulled on his boxer shorts, before walking through to meet Clara.

"Hey." He smiled awkwardly.

"Hey." Clara replied. John walked up to her and enveloped her in a tight hug.

"You okay?" John asked. She knew he was really asking if she had any regrets.

"I'm amazing." Clara grinned.

"Me too." John murmured into Clara's hair as he ran his fingers through it. He tilted up her chin so he could kiss her softly. He pulled away after a few moments to see the loving look in Clara's eyes.

The look she gave him was one of admiration. No-one had ever loved him like that before. It made him feel so special. "I have a meeting today." John whispered regretfully.

Clara nodded. "It's fine." She replied. "I know."

* * *

She had four days until rehearsals started again. Clara walked into the pharmacy nervously. Why was she nervous?

She walked up to counter and asked for a morning after pill. At the time, she hadn't even considered using protection and had stupidly not been practical. She slightly regretted it later on in the day when she had to face the judgmental glares from the pharmacist.

Everything about the previous night started to fall into perspective for her as she stood in the pharmacy. She had slept with her boss. How could she have been so stupid? If people found out then she was screwed. They both were.

Clara took the pill the moment she got home. She was unsure if she'd just made the best decision or worst mistake in her life.


	7. Searching In The Dark

**New chapter! I have such a headache right now so please excuse any errors (always making excuses, aren't I?)**

**Please enjoy the chapter and leave a review!**

**Thanks- Shiri xo**

* * *

Clara entered the dressing room and threw her bag down on the floor. The other girls would shout at her later to pick it up, but she didn't care.

She took another aspirin for the head ache that was growing. She was not in the mood to start rehearsals again. She pulled on her ballet shoes quickly and waited for the other girls to arrive.

She was about to go out and look for them when Astrid burst into the room and smacked Clara around the face as hard as she could.

Clara was shocked. Where on Earth had this come from?

"You little whore." Astrid spat at her face. Clara had no idea what was going on and stared wide eyed at the extremely angry girl.

"Wh...What the hell?" Clara asked angrily. The sting on her cheek was starting to kick in and her anger was building too.

"You're a fucking whore. Sleeping with the director so you can be on top. It's disgusting and sick."

Clara was more confused than ever. "What do you mean so I can be on top? What are you even talking about?"

"Don't pretend like you don't know." Astrid said in resentment. They had barely spoken before, but it was clear that she did not like Clara anymore.

"I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with you today!" Clara shouted back.

"Oh you had no idea that you have been promoted to become the prima?" Clara looked back in shock.

"What?"

"I thought that maybe you were just better than me, but then I heard from Amy and Sasha that you slept with Mr Smith. And don't give me that fucking face because they live in the same apartment block as him and saw you leaving his house in the same clothes as the night before. Then magically you become prima. Coincidence? I think not."

"I never intended to become prima. I was happy where I was." Clara choked, half to herself.

"So you don't deny that you slept with him?" Astrid scuffed. When she saw that Clara made no attempt to deny the comment, Astrid slapped Clara around the face once more to her utter shock.

"Astrid, I'm sorry..." Clara piped up. She was on the edge of tears. It was clear that Astrid was torn up over this. To be demoted from the principal must be awful, but Clara didn't know why. Did John really just use her and then give her prima in return, expecting more? She had never wanted that. She thought that maybe he was different.

"I don't get it! You're fat and ugly, not even the right proportions for a ballerina! So why can you be _her_? Why do _you_ get be her? I've worked all of my life for this and now I have nothing left!"

"Well maybe someone thought I was good, ever think about that?" Clara shouted back.

"Yeah, good as a fuck buddy. Everyone hates you, you know?"

Clara stared down at her feet and felt tears building up in her eyes. She hated crying in front of people and quickly blinked them away. She pushed past Marie and ran out into the corridor. She walked to studio C with her head down, aware of the eyes that were trained on her as she walked.

She looked at the notice on the door saying that Clara would now be the principal. She wanted to rip it up and throw it away. She was humiliated to the point where she wanted to throw up.

She quickly ran back to the bathrooms and spat out bile in the toilets. The thought of going into that studio to warm up with everyone hating her was enough for her to never want to dance again.

God knows how, but somehow she managed to find the strength to get into the warm up. She pretended like she didn't know what was going on, but her face was giving it slightly away.

Everyone stopped warming up when John came into the room. They all turned to face him, but Clara's head was pointed down.

"Soloists in studio B in five. Clara in studio C in five. Thank you."

Clara wanted to punch John for mentioning her name. She could feel everyone's eyes on her before the piano started playing again.

She went back to her dressing room instead of straight to rehearsal so she could breathe for a minute. She considered going home ill, but it would all still be there tomorrow.

* * *

Eventually, Clara dragged herself to studio C and walked in lazily. John looked up to see her, but she refused to look at him. Instead, she placed a water bottle in the corner of the room and faced the mirror, waiting to start.

John was going to ask where she'd been for the last ten minutes, but didn't want to waste anymore time.

"You've probably heard that it's Swan Lake this season?"

Clara nodded. "Dance the swan death for me please. I'm guessing you know it?" Clara nodded again.

John had been expecting verbal replies, but even facing the mirror she wasn't looking at him. He started playing the music on a track and Clara begun to dance.

Every movement was perfect, but she was simply dancing it through. there was no emotion behind it. Clara was blocking out all emotion and it came through in her dancing.

After a minute or two, John stopped the music and Clara stopped dancing, facing away from him.

"Clara, what the hell is going on?" John asked worriedly. He walked towards her, but she still didn't turn around.

She felt like she was being childish, but the truth was that if she saw his face she was unsure if she would cry or not.

"Clara, face me for God's sake!" John shouted at her ear. The sudden noise made her jump and she turned around, her eyes focused on his collar.

"What's up?" He asked, cupping her cheek. She moved her head away from his touch and he'd received the message.

"This is the dance of the dying swan. She has just found out that the man she loves is going to marry another woman and can't get out of it. She kills herself so that she doesn't have to suffer anymore. This can't be danced emotionlessly."

Clara stayed still and he took this as a sign of understanding. John walked over to his CD player and begun the music again.

Clara begun again, this time with more emotion. It looked like she was acting the swan, not being the swan. John stopped the music sooner this time.

"Clara, why aren't you dancing how I've seen you dance before? I made you prima because you emote so well with your dancing. Why can't you do that now?"

Clara felt like she'd been stabbed deep in the chest. He was the one who had made her prima after all. Astrid was right; she could just feel it.

"I'm not feeling well." Clara replied half-heartedly. "My head hurts and I can't think."

"Have you taken anything?" John asked.

"Yeah, and it's still not working. Already taken too many aspirins and paracetamols combined."

John nodded and opened his arms out to give Clara a hug, but she backed off.

"John, I...What happened last week was wrong." Clara whispered.

John stepped back as if he'd been punched in the gut. He looked down to his feet and tried to remain calm.

"Did I do something wrong?" John asked carefully.

"_We_ did something wrong. I should never have gone back to your house. And, I shouldn't have ever kissed you. We should just be friends. It's better that way."

"But, I thought you said..."

"I said a lot of things John that night, I don't remember everything. I know how I feel right now and what I'm saying is that."

If anyone had managed to look more heartbroken in a second, Clara would be surprised.

"We can still hug though?" John asked. "Friends do that, right?"

"Not unless I start it. It's too soon. I don't want to give off the wrong idea, ever."

There was a yawning chasm between them and silence drowned their bodies. They were standing so close, but they were further apart that they'd ever been before.

Jon fumbled with his fingers for a moment before remembering the actual task. "Could you dance the black swan for me please?"

Clara nodded and took position. Once again, her performance was devoid of emotion and John found himself getting aggravated. "Clara!" He snapped suddenly and she froze in fear of being told off. "You're meant to be seductive. You need to sell yourself!"

Clara made no attempt to respond so John walked up to her and forcefully grabbed her shoulders. "Pretend like you're seducing me. You need to do it right."

Clara nodded and started the dance without the music. She tried to pretend like she was seducing John but couldn't.

When it got to the part where they came together to dance, Clara suddenly lurched back. "I have a really bad headache. Can I go?" She begged.

John nodded solemnly. "Yeah, make sure you sign out."

Clara smiled her thanks before running as fast as she could out of the studio.

John slumped against the wall and hid his head in his knees. He was determined not to cry, but Clara had just broken him. He had trusted her with things no-one knew and she had told him that she would never hate him for anything, but now she resented him. He had no idea what was going on.

She had just about made life bearable for him once more, and now he felt himself being swallowed up by a dark hole once more.

* * *

Clara threw herself down on her bed and cried. She felt awful. Had Astrid meant what she had said about how fat Clara was? She constantly made sure she wasn't overweight, but it wasn't working enough.

She stood up and ran over to her mirror, turning sideways. She wasn't thin enough to be a ballerina. She would get out there on opening night and would be the laughing stock of the century. "Fat, little Clara thought she could play with the big timers."

Clara knew she had to do something about it. She would make sure she was thinner by the time the show opened. There was no way in hell she would go out looking bad.

In the mean time, Clara decided she would work hard and put on a facade. She would be the perfect ballerina and not have to feel inside.

Not feeling was better. There was less pain that way.

* * *

John was finally asleep on the sofa. He had turned up at David's door, drunk and upset. The brothers had sat down for a honest talk for the first time in years.

David was angry with Clara. He'd truly believed that she would be the one to bring John out of his shell, but she just made sure she had locked it extra tight.

His brother hadn't cried in front of him since they were five years old. That was not a memory he ever wanted to keep, but it had stuck with him through all of the years.

But here John was, spark out from his tears and unable to comprehend what had happened.

From what David had gathered, Clara had been ignoring him at the beginning of rehearsal and then told him that she wanted them to just be friends. Then she told him that she hadn't meant anything she'd told him the night they slept together.

David had told Clara things about John's life that he wanted no-one to know, but he'd trusted that girl and she'd broken the trust.

He'd offered to fire her, but John had said no. It may have been agonising for him to see her every day and to not ever feel her lips upon his, but he was sure it would kill him if he never saw her face ever again.

In the end, Clara and John were both two lost, hopeless souls, searching for something in the dark.


	8. Weakened Hearts

**Hope you guys like this chapter. I'm finding that I can never think of anything to say in these forewords, so thank you to all who have reviewed and read!**

**-Shiri xo**

* * *

Clara danced her black swan perfectly, making the dance seducing and desirable. She'd discovered that she worked well with Rory, the male principal, and that they got along quite well.

She'd decided to move on with everything. She knew that John was in the room and watching her, but she didn't care. She would carry on with her job like she should.

John got more and more agitated as Clara danced around the room. She was playing the role perfectly, which meant she was being seductive. But it was towards Rory, and not him. She'd refused to do it to him.

There had been three nights of endless tears and then he had realised that he had to move on. If Clara had, then he had to as well.

At least, he'd thought Clara had moved on. If only he'd known just how much she hadn't he might never have allowed her to grow detached from him.

When Clara was little, she'd always said that she would become an actress if not a dancer. This was her task, the best acting she would ever do.

She waited patiently until the lunch break to go back to her dressing room. She would not eat. She couldn't eat anything until dinner that night.

The rumble her stomach gave denied her thoughts, but she knew that it was just going to have to adjust to eating less. She ate too much anyway.

Three days wasn't enough time to get her weight down, but she was already worrying from the lack of evident changes to her figure.

Clara had found that she enjoyed dancing the two swans. One side was the graceful side that had to be kept subtle, like everything in ballet, but the darker side was the one where she could give the part more passion.

She'd always hated the stereotypes surrounding the role from movies, but she knew she had to play it right.

Clara heard a knock at the door and she made sure she looked normal before she opened the door. It didn't surprise her when she found John staring down at her. She'd been told to see him after rehearsals two days in a row and hadn't. She'd just left him hanging in his office.

"Either you're avoiding me or you're acting like a diva, because you need to sign your contract and you refused to come to my office to fill out the paperwork. So you can do it now." John really did not suit a monotone well and Clara felt slightly disgruntled when he barged past her and into the dressing room.

He placed the papers on the side and handed Clara a pen. She was about to sign then, when John's hand stopped her.

"You're not going to read it first?" John asked her as if she were stupid. "For all you know, this could give me the right to steal all of your money and lock you in a cupboard for eternity."

He'd meant it to sound sarcastic but it had come off wrong. Clara gritted her teeth at his rude comment and skimmed through the paperwork.

"One season and then you decide if I carry on?" Clara asked.

"Yeah. Need to see if you can meet the standards and if you work well with the cast." John was trying his best to be emotionless but he was coming off as a stuck-up snob.

"Right." Clara whispered to herself before signing where she needed to. John picked up the papers and started walking to the door.

"John!" Clara cried out unexpectedly. He turned around slowly to face her.

"Yes?" He asked simply. Clara felt like she was about to make a mistake, but it couldn't really get much worse.

"Why does it have to be weird between us? I told you that I still want to be friends."

John shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Maybe because you shut me out. Maybe because you made me feel like shit. There are many things that could be contributing factors to the fact that things are weird between us..."

"Cut the crap John." Clara snarled.

"What crap?" He argued. "As far as I recall, you're the one who suddenly hated me! I didn't even realise anything was wrong until you broke it off so suddenly."

Clara looked down to her feet. "There are some things you don't understand..."

"What? Was I not good enough for you? Do you only go for the supermodels? Well, sorry to disappoint you..."

"John!" Clara snapped suddenly. "I just wanted things to be professional between us. I felt like things would get awkward if we were involved, okay? You said it yourself, didn't you? Being with River made it difficult for you!"

"That was something private that I told you because I trusted you!"

"What, you don't trust me anymore? Just because I won't shag you doesn't mean we can't still like each other? Jesus Christ, you're just the same as the rest. All you want is a quick shag and then you're off and expecting me to give you more all the fucking time."

Their shouts were increasing in volume and there was no doubt that someone was going to hear them.

"You think I just wanted to fuck you? Then you obviously don't listen or care about me because what did I tell you that night, huh? Just before we went to sleep what did I tell you?"

Clara looked down to her feet. "Goodnight probably. I don't know." She murmured.

"Now _you_ cut the crap Clara. You know what I said."

"You said "I love you." That enough? It's what everyone says after sex, everybody knows that."

"Oh, so when you told me that you loved me too, that was all just a lie?"

Clara had to lie. There was no way she couldn't. "I don't know. Yes."

John felt nothing but hatred for Clara. "You're right. I didn't understand."

He stormed out of the dressing room and ran to his office. Clara had wanted to make up, but they'd argued even more.

* * *

Drinks night. Jack had organised it and forced Clara to come along. He'd also invited Rory and his wife, Amy. Amy was River's cousin, or so Clara had been told. That's how River set those two up.

The four of them sat at the bar in the night club, Clara looking around awkwardly. It had been three weeks since she had properly spoken with John, and it had been that argument.

When John finally arrived, he almost walked away at the sight of Clara. He knew Jack was fed up of his moaning and was setting them up, but it wasn't going to work.

"Hi." John murmured as he slipped onto the bar stool beside Jack on the end. He was glad to be enveloped in a hug from Amy, who he hadn't seen in a while.

He'd wanted to stay away since the break up, but she was his best friend and he did really miss her. They talked for a bit, catching up on things he'd missed.

Clara spoke to Jack about her life, her work and her partners. Each tequila shot revealed more and more truths and Jack found himself gaining more information from this girl as the night went on.

She knew she was far from sober, but she wasn't yet stumbling along the ground. She finally caught sight of John sitting alone for a while. She shouted to him, but he couldn't hear her over the music. He looked like a sad, depressed drunk slumped over the bar table.

She walked over to the stool beside him and sat on it, using him to pull her drunk-self up. "Hey." She shouted over the music, and he turned to face her.

"Hi." He shouted in reply.

"Look, I'm really sorry..." She started.

"Don't be." John replied bluntly.

Clara rolled her eyes. "John, please. I was a real bitch to you. I didn't mean it. I was just...mad."

"Mad?"

"Yeah."

"Why?" John asked, confused.

"It doesn't matter why. The thing is, I really want us to be friends. The whole hug thing was so that you wouldn't get the wrong idea. I'm really sorry John."

John knew that she was drunk, but any apology was better than none. "Apology slightly accepted."

"Even if it's slightly, it's a start." Clara murmured to herself so John couldn't hear. "You really need a nickname John!" The only one I've thought of so far is Johnny Condom, and that wouldn't go down too well at work."

John started to laugh. "How about...Doctor?" Clara questioned.

"Doctor?" John asked. "Why, Doctor?"

"Because when Marie got hurt, you told her that you had medical training. You were her Doctor." Clara leaned in and whispered "You can be my Doctor you know?"

John gulped but Clara started a fit of giggles. "Hey, I'm only teasing." Clara reassured. It wasn't really reassurance as confusion for John.

She threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. "I really do value our friendship Doctor. I mean that."

* * *

She generally meant it as she lay down on her sofa on her day off that week. She valued their friendship, which is why he could never know the truth. He could never know her insecurities or how she felt for him inside.

He could never know how she fought off the urge to eat food every day, and when she did, spent the rest of the day huddled beside the toilet.

He could never know how she wished he would hold her as she cried herself to sleep because she hated the way she looked.

"Hello?" Clara asked groggily into the phone. It was only ten at night, but she barely had any energy.

"Hey. It's me, Marie."

"Marie!" Clara sat bolt upright in bed, overjoyed to hear her friends voice.

"I'm outside. Could you let me in?" Marie asked quietly down the phone.

Clara was to the door in a second, letting Marie into her flat and moving them towards the sofa so they could huddle up in blankets.

"Sorry I look awful. I went to bed early."

"Sorry for waking you!" Marie argued. Clara looked down to her ankle and nodded towards it.

"How's your ankle?" She asked politely.

"Okay. Not good enough to dance on. I'll never dance on it again, I don't think. Not professionally anyway." Clara looked heartbroken at her statement, but Marie placed her hands on Clara's shoulders.

"Hey, it's okay. I've got a job as a teacher at a ballet school, so I'll be fine. Besides, it's far less stressful than being in the ballet."

"I'm so sorry Marie." Clara whispered.

"Don't be! I'm not. Anyway, a little birdie, well Lily, told me that you're the new prima for swan lake. Wow! Why didn't you tell me?"

Clara shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Things have been really stressful. I haven't even told my Dad yet. I got him tickets but couldn't tell him."

Marie furrowed her brow. "Why not? Clara, aren't you happy about it?"

Clara felt her composure going and suddenly she was leaning on Marie and tears were streaming down her face.

"Hey, it's okay. Clara, it's okay." Marie hushed to soothe her.

"It's not." Clara whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"It's all so messed up."

"What's messed up? Clara, you're going to have to tell me."

"It's John." Clara choked. "I thought it meant something, but it didn't." Marie raised her eyebrows. "After the last night of Giselle, we went to dinner. I went back to his house and...we had sex. We told each other stuff, you know? And then I get back to work and I'm suddenly prima. He just used me and gave me a part in return."

Marie opened her mouth oppose Clara's words but didn't get a chance to. "And now he hates me and I want to hate him, but I can't because I think I'm in love with him but it's so wrong. I can't love my boss. And I'm going to fail in this ballet because I'm not ballerina. You know I'm not built that way. He's making me look like a laughing stock and I don't think I can do it anymore."

Clara managed to not let slip all of her insecurities, but allowed Marie to hold her as she cried. Marie told her that it wasn't her fault, and she'd be great. But all friends say that when someone is crying. The natural instinct is to make them feel better, so you compliment them.

The moment she found the strength to, she told Marie she was okay and thanked her for coming over, promising to see her soon. They left on a good note, but Marie knew there was more wrong.

When she hugged Clara, she felt different. Ballerinas went to extremes to their jobs, and she would have never thought of Clara doing that, but she wouldn't put it past this new Clara who had been formed.

She was weaker and more vulnerable; more damaged. Damage buries itself deep down and once it's there, it's irreversible. If Marie could even help in the slightest she knew that she was already too late.


	9. Twisted Lines

**Sorry this is a late update. Been a hell-ish day for me! I will probably/more than likely update xmas eve and xmas too so I won't really break for that.**

**I might not update on the 27th though because I'm seeing John Barrowman's panto for the third year in a row! (just saying). So, anyway enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

Dave was annoyed that Clara had only just decided to tell him that she was the principal of the royal ballet.

She hadn't even told him herself until he'd already known. His friend had seen an article online about the new prima ballerina and had sent it to Dave on an e-mail. He wasn't angry with Clara, but he didn't understand why she'd not tell him They'd grown detached since Ellie, Clara's Mum, had died but he'd at least thought she tell him something like that.

There was four weeks until the show now and this time, Dave had opening night tickets, much to his relief. He was worried about Clara. Maybe he should talk to her boss sometimes soon?

* * *

Clara was getting more and more nervous during her rehearsal. Today they did dress fittings for the costumes, and she felt sick to her stomach. They would all laugh at her when they saw how fat she was.

They were sent to the costume department, one by one, to get their fittings. Clara was last as she had the most costume changes, and they had to make sure that all the proportions were right so she would look her best.

The main thing Clara hated about this fitting was that she had to be weighed. She'd thought that they didn't do that anymore, but according to the other girls it was at least every six months.

She was in her leotard and tights already and stepped onto the scale slowly. She hung her head down and refused to look at the weight, or the woman's face when she saw it. She could imagine how she was laughing inside

Clara got all her measurements taken, pointing out every insecurity she had within her body.

She was grateful when she could finally leave and go home for the day. It was a miracle she'd made it home unseen. Everyone would constantly invite her out to dinner. She knew they were trying to make her look as bad as possible. She could just feel it.

* * *

There was a loud knock at the door. "Come in." John ordered. The head of costume design stepped into his office, and he looked up from the files he was reading.

"I have all of the files. The one's on top are in the selected category." She placed the files on his desk and nodded her thanks, before swiftly leaving the room.

John hated this time of the year. Ever since the scandal in New York with the size zero dancers who died from anorexia, they had to weigh their dancers every so often to check they weren't too thin. It wasn't about putting on weight, although if they were too heavy it would have to be addressed.

On the top of the files, the people with the lowest BMI and measurements would be placed. This was so he could check on them and make sure it was okay.

As he was about to read the files, another knock came on his door. "Hey John, there's a meeting going on right now which you should be in." Donna reminded him.

"Shit, yeah!" John cried, running out of his office and leaving the papers. They could wait one more day.

* * *

Clara tried harder and harder to make sure she got all thirty-two fouettes. Some days, she would go up to forty, and others she wouldn't even make it to twenty-five. Today was not a good day and she was pushing herself too hard. She kept on losing her balance.

She blamed it on the fact that her weight was unstable and made her fall. That had to be the answer. She'd always been great at fouettes, so this was the only practical conclusion.

For the first time, they were dancing whole scenes in this rehearsal and the dance of the black swan was on the list. Clara couldn't afford to mess it up, especially if the board were to watch her.

She looked at her watch before deciding that it was time to set off to work. She grabbed her bags and left.

* * *

John sat down at his desk and stared puzzlingly at the pile of files on his desk before remembering what they were. He chose to pick off the top three files and take a look, just in case there was anything he needed to check.

As he opened the top file, a small note fell out. "Only one that seems really bad. Rest are fine."

John smiled at the helpful note and opened the top file. His heart dropped out of his chest when he saw the name on the top of the file though.

He carefully read through every measurement to double check they all lined up. How had he been so blind?

He had no choice but to address the matter. Officially, he was meant to have a conversation and then if it didn't work, take extreme action.

He didn't want this on file. It didn't look good written down. He carefully hid the file in his desk draw and went to rehearsals.

* * *

Clara knew that John was staring at her like a hawk. She tried to ignore it, but couldn't shake it off. He eventually stopped gazing when she purposefully caught his eyes for a few moments, just long enough to make it awkward.

John coughed to stop the music and everyone turned. He secretly enjoyed having that much power and he liked to make his announcements halfway through warm-ups because he always felt really cool doing it.

"Change of schedule. We will only be doing full scenes this afternoon. Normal studio rehearsals today. Soloists in studio B, principals, studio A etcetera. And now, no more warm up."

All the dancers stared at each other blankly, confused as to what the hurry could be. The people that needed to, quickly assembled out of the studio.

Clara had barely made a step out the door when she felt herself being tugged to the side. "My office now. Now." John said sternly. She could have guessed this had something to do with her .He was always angriest when it did.

Once they were inside, John sat down and Clara stood an equal distance from the door, to him. "Clara, I got your file yesterday from your costume fitting. You know we have to weigh you right?"

Clara bit her lip and John took that as a yes. "So, you know why you're here?"

Clara breathed in heavily and looked down to her feet. She looked like she wanted to run away as fast as she could.

"Look, I can't just overlook this." John said as gently as he could, standing up to walk over to her. he took her hands in his and his thumbs traced over her delicate wrists.

"I know." Clara whispered.

"I officially have to chat with you, but if this carries on then I have to take more action. Please don't make me do that Clara." John hated how he sounded like she was doing something wrong. She needed help, not to be patronised.

"I'll fix it. I swear." Clara muttered hopefully.

"It's not your fault. Just be careful, alright?" John put out his arms. "Permission to hug?"

"Permission granted." Clara whispered, still looking at her feet. John pulled her into a tight hug, rubbing her back.

Ballerinas had such delicate bodies; so fragile that they could almost break in a second. Their minds were just as fragile too though. He made sure to hold her tighter; to let her know that she was not alone.

When he finally pulled back, Clara looked up at him "Can I go now?" She asked.

That was the last thing John wanted in that moment, but he knew he had to say yes, As he watched her leave the room, he decided that he would have to keep a closer eye on her over the next few weeks.

The minute she was out of site, Clara ran to the bathroom and threw up. She knew it. She was too fat to be a dancer and now they'd noticed it. She had to make sure she got her weight down.

She'd promised herself that she wouldn't eat that morning, but she'd felt like she would have collapsed if she didn't. She was annoyed that her body hadn't adjusted to having less food. She must have been having such large quantities before and it made her angry how stupid she must have been to not have seen it.

* * *

When she got home that night, Clara sat on the sofa and turned on the TV after getting into her nightclothes. She just wanted to sleep until the next morning. That very comforting thought was interrupted by a knock at her door. She got up to answer it, finding John grinning down at her.

"Can I come in?" He asked sweetly.

"Yeah, sure" Clara muttered. She wasn't in the mood to entertain guests.

John followed Clara to the sofa and sat down beside her. He had a large bag with him and she dreaded to think what he's put in it.

"So, you enjoying being the principal?" Clara felt it was still too soon to have such a casual conversation, but she really had no choice. She couldn't exactly storm out of her own apartment, in pyjamas.

"I guess." Clara replied carelessly. "I'm just tired all the time."

John nodded. He could tell Clara was drifting off to sleep. It amused him since he'd only just arrived.

"You should really get more in your system." John added in sneakily. "Maybe have a McDonalds for breakfast?"

"Eugh, not thanks. You can basically smell the fat in that place. Makes me want to vomit." Clara was speaking to herself rather John, but what she'd said hadn't gone unnoticed.

"You gone recently?" He asked curiously.

"Nah. Probably been a year I'd say. Maybe two." Clara rested her head on John's shoulder and shut her eyes. "You can turn on the TV if you want you know." She murmured.

He could feel her breath on his neck which was very distracting, but he knew this wasn't the moment. John picked up the remote and chose a channel. He switched over to Pride and Prejudice. It was playing peacefully in the background, as Clara moved her bodies further into his to find a comfortable position in which she could sleep. John was aware that she was falling to sleep quickly, and soon realised that she was spark out within in a minute or two.

He stroked her hair out of her face, admiring her features. She was so beautiful, he thought to himself. He wished he could wake up and tell her that every day. He wish she knew that about herself.

There was no way he could be subtly with Clara's condition. Her BMI was only fourteen, after being rounded up. She may have been small, but that is insanely low for anyone. It was unhealthy. She'd promised she'd get better and he trusted she would.

He carefully picked up her frail body and carried to her bedroom, after a few moments of trying to remember which room was hers.

He pulled back the covers and gently placed her in her bed. Even though she had been so light in his arms, he still felt the loss of warmth and craved it more than ever.

He considered lying beside her, but knew that it wouldn't go down well in the morning and any building he'd done with their relationship would go down the toilet in seconds.

Instead, John found a blanket and rested on the sofa. He didn't have the energy to go home and he had told himself that he'd monitor Clara.

* * *

Clara woke up in the night, wondering how she got to her bed. She stood up and looked into her living room, seeing John on the sofa. He must have carried her. She felt guilty, remembering their earlier conversation about her weight. He must have struggled to lift her.

She wanted to apologise but didn't want to wake him. She tiptoed around her kitchen to get herself some water, before going back to bed. How was she meant to dispose of any bad foods she'd eaten, the next morning if John was there? She spent the whole night worrying about it, unable to sleep.

She didn't want to lose her job because of her weight, but she'd tried everything. She no longer knew what to do.


	10. Highest Hurdles

**Merry Christmas everyone! Today is the day Matt leaves and I'm unsure of what to do with myself. I might just cry. **

**Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

Clara lazily woke up the next morning. She walked into her kitchen and poured herself another glass of water. She'd almost forgotten John was there as he walked up behind her and grabbed a mug from her cupboard.

"Jesus Christ! You scared me!" Clara said breathily. "I could have had a heart attack!"

John just laughed. "Don't want that now do we? I would have had to call the ambulance."

"Good thing I have a Doctor with me right here." Clara teased, prodding John's arm. John ran his mug under the tap and drank from his mug.

"I'm sorry you had to sleep on the sofa last night. If I'd have known you would stay I would have made a bed..."

"Clara, I don't mind." John smiled. "It might be hard to explain to people why I'm wearing the same clothes though. I hope they don't notice."

Clara bit her lip and smiled. John liked the fact that he'd made her smile. She rarely did anymore, and he felt like he was to blame sometimes.

"Oh, I have some clothes! Men's clothes. They might fit you?" Clara put down her glass and walked towards her bedroom.

John was unsure he wanted to know who's clothes these were. He was quite happy believing that he was the last man to have stayed and slept with Clara. He knew he was being stupid, but he couldn't help feeling that way.

Clara rummaged through her wardrobe and pulled a white shirt and some boxers.

"You can stay in the same trousers and jacket yeah?" She asked cautiously.

"Um, yeah." John replied quietly. Clara handed him the clothes and he hesitated before taking them.

"John, they're completely clean. I've washed them both. Been meaning to return them actually." Clara brushed aside her last comment as she put a few things back in her wardrobe which she'd accidentally thrown out whilst searching for the items of clothing.

"Oh, okay." He murmured. He looked around to see if Clara wanted him to get changed in one specific place.

Clara turned back around to face him. "Are you not done yet?" She asked, staring at his blank face.

"Errr..."

"It's not like I've not been in a room with a half dressed guy before John! Just get dressed! Clara went into her drawers to grab her leotard and tights as well as some underwear.

She turned back around and John jumped. "Clara!" He cried out. She quickly turned back to face the other way. If she'd had known he'd make such a fuss, she would have bothered to tease him more before.

"Okay, I'm done." He said and Clara turned back to face him. He looked completely normal, just with a crisp white shirt. "Can I just ask, whose clothes are these?"

Clara shrugged her shoulders and tried to make her answer casual. "Adam's, I think."

John knew that would be his answer the moment he heard it. He promptly left the room to allow Clara some private time to get dressed, although she hadn't given him any.

Clara sat on the bed and hugged her knees. Why did she always flirt with him like that and then tear him down? He must be sick and tired of her mood swings by now.

She wanted to be with him so badly. She'd couldn't be though. She'd told herself so any different reasons now, she wasn't even sure why but she just new that she couldn't.

After realising the time, Clara quickly threw on her clothes and ran into the living room. She had a bigger mirror by her door so she wouldn't forget to do her hair bun.

She was trying to tie it, but it kept on going squint. She really needed some hairspray. "Allow me." John asked, his hands ready to work upon her answer.

"Thanks." She mumbled. John quickly pulled her hair out of the knot she was tying and tied it up in a ponytail, before twisting it expertly in a beautiful bun. He did his work quickly and expertly. He'd done it many times before.

He loved how silky Clara's hair was. It was something he'd noticed about her the night they'd slept together. He would happily run his fingers through Clara's hair for hours.

John held up a finger for her to see in the mirror as he ran to her table and grabbed the hairspray which he'd seen that morning and sprayer her hair so it's stayed.

"Thanks." Clara whispered, wrapping her arms around John for a hug. It was the first proper friendly hug she'd given him that wasn't uncomfortable or there for comfort. It was just a kind gesture.

"Come on, I'll drive." John said softly, pointing towards the door as he pulled back from the hug. Clara nodded thankfully and followed his lead.

* * *

Clara was so mad with herself. How come she wasn't losing enough weight? She'd even taken tablets to make sure she couldn't digest the food. She hated how she'd have to snack on a protein bar every so often to make sure she didn't collapse.

She was sure she was going to be fired. They had two weeks until the show and they'd called her to be measured again. She suffered through her time in the costume department and watched as the woman had hummed in disapproval.

At least she could take her mind off it during rehearsals. She could become someone else and live their life; not have to remember about how bad she looked or how much she hated herself.

* * *

Most nights, Clara would stay behind and practice. She was oblivious to the fact that John would be peering in at the door, watching her every move. He needed to check she was okay but acknowledged that she needed space. He thought it would be better to watch her from afar.

Clara begun to dance her duet with the prince and John smiled to himself. She was doing it alone, but he could almost see her partner there from how well she was dancing it.

He barely registered the fact his feet were moving and his shoes were off, before he held Clara's waist from behind. She let out a small gasp of surprise, but carried on dancing upon realising who it was from the reflection in the mirror.

This was the dance where they fell in love. Why did she always have to do this to herself when she was alone with him?

As they danced, Clara saw how beautifully John moved for the first time. He was wearing his shirt and trousers, but he could still leap and turn beautifully. He'd never truly lost his passion for dance. Clara doubted many dancers could.

He held her back in the legendary moment when he dipped down as he back arched over his arms. They stopped in that moment as they stared into each other's eyes.

Clara realised how intimate their situation was. It suddenly occurred to her that she no longer cared what others thought and she was going to kiss him. They were leaning in close and John's heart started to speed up.

A knock on the door made them spring apart. Why did this always happen at these moments? Clara stood next to John as the costume lady walked in. "May I speak with you sir?" She asked politely.

"Um, yeah. Of course...yeah sure." John mumbled. "Night Clara." He murmured as she walked away. She shot him a small smile in return and left the studio quickly.

John walked over to the woman and nodded for her to speak. "Sir, I regret to tell you that Clara has not made the situation better. She's lost weight since last time in fact. I know I'm not meant to say anything, but if the press got a wind of this then the royal ballet could go down the drain. She's killing herself. Does she even know what kind of damage she is doing to herself...?"

"I'll sort this out. Thank you." John said bluntly. "Sorry, I just...I'll sort this."

John ran out of the room to Clara's dressing room, to find she'd already left. He sprinted to his car and drove over to her house in the hope that he could help her.

On the way there, he started thinking about how light she was in his arms as he held her; how small she looked as she bent over. He could feel her backbone, even as she arched against him.

He'd been trying to play it down so that he wouldn't have to see the truth. Now it was all hitting him in a sudden wave and he knew he had to see Clara.

* * *

"One minute!" Clara shouted to the impatient knocker at her flat. "Jeez, one second!"

She ran across her living room and opened the door to find a very impatient John run into her sitting room. He pulled her into his arms and manoeuvred her towards the sofa.

"John, what the hell..?" She argued. She wasn't complaining about how protectively his arms were wrapped around her, just that she didn't understand the sudden outburst.

"J...John?" She asked quietly, concerned at his long silence.

John released Clara from his arms so she could turn to face him, and he took her hands in his. His eyes were glazing over with water.

"Clara, why have you been doing this?" He asked carefully.

"Doing what?" She replied, confused.

John's hands moved up her arms and over her shoulders, before tracing down her sides and onto her back. Clara was unsure where all the sudden touches had come from.

"This." He whispered as he trailed his fingers along her prominent back bone, before bringing them around to feel her ribs. "When was the last time you ate?"

"This morning." Clara replied surely. "I had a protein bar."

John breathed in heavily. "And, did you digest the bar?" Clara looked away from John and into the distance. "Clara?"

She shook her head, still refusing to look at him. He gripped onto her arms and gave them a light squeeze. "Why?" He asked.

Clara took a few heavy breaths. "Clara?" She heard once more.

"Stop saying my name!" She shouted, turning back to face him with tears in her eyes. "I'm not a child you can pity!"

"I never said you were. I just want to know why..."

"Because I'm fat! I'm so fucking fat and the whole bloody world knows it. They all laugh at me, _ever, single day. _How come the _fat girl_ is the principal. The moment I stand out on that stage, I am going to look like a laughing stock. They're all so fucking perfect and I'm not and I never will be and I need to be because I have to look perfect like them! Don't you see that?"

Clara had tears streaming down her face and John pulled her into his arms. "You have always been perfect Clara. _Always."_

She was unresponsive to his words. "I mean it. You are the best dancer in there. Why else would you be principal? You are not even fat so don't you ever think that. Clara, can't you see what you've done to yourself?"

Clara looked up, her eyes still full of self- hatred. "What do you mean?" She whispered, tears dripping off her face.

"When you look in the mirror, don't you see how thin you've become?"

Clara looked away. "Stop saying that! I'm not thin! I see what everyone else sees in the mirror and I know that I have to lose weight!"

"No you don't..."

"Why are you even telling me this? The other day you made me go to your office just to tell me how fat I am. I did what you wanted!"

John was unsure of what to say. He had never meant it to come off that way. It was the complete opposite. "No, I was telling you to gain weight..."

"Don't lie to me John. All anyone ever does is lie. You told me that you loved me, and I believed that. Now you're telling me this so that I feel shit. What do you want from me?"

"I have _never _ lied to you Clara." John murmured. "Never. I mean every word I say. You are beautiful and you are a perfect dancer. I do love you and all I want is for you to be happy."

It wasn't so much an admission of love, rather than John making sure she understood. But she knew he meant what he was saying.

"Clara, you need to check your health. What have you been doing?"

"I...I..." Clara started to think everything over in her head. What _had_ she been doing to herself?

"I don't know." Clara collapsed into John's arms once more, crying into his chest. He stroked her hair as he whispered words of comfort into her ear.

Clara took her had and traced it over her skin. She still felt too fat in her opinion.

"Clara, you need to get back on track. If any papers hear about this, there would be a scandal."

Right back down to business, Clara thought to herself. "I know." She whispered.

"Tomorrow, you're not working." John murmured. "You must be exhausted. Then we have Sunday off and bank holiday Monday."

Clara nodded. John pulled away from her and Clara retracted into a small ball. "I'm going to cook something." John said comfortingly .

He went to the freezer and looked inside. There was basically nothing in there. He tried the fridge and the cupboards, finding the same lack of food.

"Clara, is there a shop nearby where I...?" He tried to gesture moving a trolley with his hands.

"There's a Sainsbury's local down the road?" She murmured.

"That'll be great." John walked over to Clara and kissed her head, before leaving the house. He felt awful for leaving Clara, but he had to make sure she ate.

Clara managed to pull herself off the sofa, to look in the full length mirror on her wall. She poked at all the areas of her body which she still felt were too fat.

She wanted to be sick from her tears, but was scared John would get back whilst she threw up. She had to change this around, for him. His job was probably riding on it.

She noticed that her mascara had run, and she ran to the bathroom to fix it, spitting out any bile that was appearing in her throat. The thought of having to eat food made her gag and she wanted to cry again, but didn't in fear of smudging her make up.

"Clara?" She heard John call as he re-entered the house.

"In here!" She called shakily from the bathroom. She could hear his footsteps approaching as he gently knocked.

"Everything okay?" He asked. Clara stood up hastily and left the bathroom, moving John out of the way.

"Yeah." Clara stuttered. She was sounding so fake.

Why couldn't she keep her composure? She felt too big arms hold her from behind and then she realised why.

She felt safe with this man She felt free to cry in front of him and to tease him. He was the only person she'd ever met who truly cared about her before him. She knew that he would always be there for her if she wanted him to be. She was in love with this man, like he was with her.

That's why she would try for him. She knew the hurdles would be high at first, but they should get easier eventually, right?


	11. Where Will This Take Us?

**Sorry about such a long wait! I have been at a friend's in Scotland and things have just been hectic. My Mum's friend has just a few days left but let's not get too into that. **

**A few of you guys messaged me about this and as I had some spare free time, I thought I'd write. Hope this pleases you all! (smut warning though).**

**By the way, feel free to write to me if you think I'm taking too long or have an idea about something! I honestly won't mind!**

**Soon, I'm going to be writing another Whouffle fic. It's AU (I should really find something different) but I actually think it'll be great. lots of angst and love and stuff. Not as much angst as What Lies Beneath but on that similar level (ish)**

**Anyway, enjoy the chapter and have a happy new year if I don't get to say it before then! Sherlock on New Years day too! Don't miss it!:p**

**Thank you whoufflefans on twitter for beta-ing this and sending it to me! If you get a double notification about this, I uploaded it and then re-uploaded it without all the grammar errors etc from the beta! THANKS!**

Clara woke up on the sofa, held from behind by John. She looked at the clock and panicked as she realized that they were both late for work.

In her struggle to remove herself from his arms, she woke John up who instantly starting trying to pull her back. "John, we're late!" She complained.

"You're not working today Clara." John said firmly. "I've texted it in to the board who has informed people."

"Informed them? Informed them of what?" Clara voice was a hoarse whisper.

"That you were sick on me last night at the studio . At least, that's what I said."

Clara breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't want everyone to find another reason to make fun of her and claim she was attention-seeking.

Clara slowly moved back to the sofa and John pulled her into a spooning position. She rested for a few moments before standing abruptly.

"The sofa is uncomfortable." She explained to John who looked very confused. "I'm going to my bed."

She began to move in the direction of her bedroom when he grabbed her wrist to halt her. "I'm coming too." The sentence came out like a statement but it had a definite question to it. He was waiting for her approval. Clara nodded and he followed her to her bedroom. She lay down in the bed and patted the place beside her for John to lie.

He lay down and resumed their earlier position. Clara could feel his breath on her ear and she cursed herself mentally for suddenly being so aware of the distance between their bodies. He was practically mimicking her body shape from behind, covering every inch of it that he could without crossing too many borders.

Clara tried to shut her eyes and fall back asleep, but she just couldn't; not with the way her body was so alert and John so close to it.

A short while later, she felt John shuffle behind her. "I know you're awake." He whispered into her ear, causing her to shiver.

"I'm not tired." She murmured. "But I'm too comfortable to move."

She practically felt John's smile grow at her words. "Yeah, so am I."

She would never understand how such simple words could make her heart glow so much. Maybe because he was comfortable with her or maybe because he chose to stay. Then she remembered the reasons why he was there in the first place and her heart sunk. He was probably just pitying her.

"Are you...okay?" John asked gently.

"I'm always okay." She replied carefully.

"Do you want me to stay?" He stroked her hair with his fingers and she closed her eyes to absorb the butterflies it sent straight to her stomach. She hated herself for allowing him to have such an affect on her, but she was beginning to realize that there was no point in denying it.

"Yes." She answered quickly. "I mean...could you?"

He laughed lightly. "Of course I can. I'd give up the world to stay with you, Clara."

She remembered how the Doctor had told her he'd loved her. He'd poured his heart out to her and she'd thrown it away like a rotten banana peel.

"I don't understand." She whispered honestly. "Why do you still care for me when all I've ever done is hurt you?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Because someone needs to take care of you. You never hurt me. You were just scared of letting me in. I can tell you've been broken Clara, in more ways than one. You allow fear to overtake everything else because it's better to remain detached than to allow yourself to be hurt again. I know. I was like that."

Clara turned her head slightly so she could face him. "But...you were with River. You loved her, you were never scared."

John took a few moments to gather his words. "Me and River...River and I...there was something at first, but it died in time. It became admiration for one another, acknowledgement but nothing more. How could it ever be more than that? Our time was limited. I never felt capable of loving River fully, maybe because she didn't understand me like I thought she did. We wanted different things and it hurt too much to carry on denying each other. Everyone thought we had a great relationship, but it wasn't that good. That's why I wanted to block myself off emotionally. But then you came along and made me go crazy and..."

Clara turned her body fully around and cut off his speech with a passionate kiss. He flailed for a moment before responding just as enthusiastically. One of his hands cupped her cheek whilst the other rested on her hip. Clara's arms moved around John's shoulders to play with the hair at the bottom of his neck.

They finally pulled away when they both desperately begun to need air. Clara looked into John's eyes and bit her lip nervously, looking down. He lifted her chin with his index finger so he could stare into her eyes.

"I...Sorry...I shouldn't have..." Clara began to mumble.

"Don't be silly. How can I explain to you how long I've been wanting you to do that again."

Clara leaned forward slowly and he met her halfway, sealing their lips together once more. She smiled into the kiss and then pulled back suddenly.

"Me too. I mean, I've been wanting to do that again too." John smiled at her mix up of words.

This time, when he kissed her it was more soothing. It was as if he could heal away any pain she felt. She never wanted the kiss to end, but John pulled away after a while stating that he was going to cook her breakfast. It was 11am and he had bought a variety of things.

Clara smiled politely at him, but she didn't know how she could allow him to cook her food when she wasn't hungry; it would be a waste.

She lay back on the bed and hoped that he wouldn't make too much. She was unsure if her stomach would be able to take it. She felt her heart drop when he brought back a massive tray. He'd made two croissants, bacon, two eggs, two slices of toast, beans, four sausages, four hash browns, two pan-au-chocolats and a bowl of cheerios.

Clara gaped at the food in shock and directed her head under the covers.

John noticed her distress immediately and set the food down. "You don't have to eat it all, don't worry." He soothed, cupping her cheeks in his palms. She looked back to him and sighed nervously.

"What do you want? I'll eat the rest!" He said cheerily, picking up a plate.

Clara shrugged and looked around for the least fattiest thing. "Can I have a croissant?" she asked quietly. He obediently placed it on the plate and stared at her expectantly.

"And...?" He asked. Clara fiddled with the ring on her finger. John noticed she did that a lot when she got nervous.

"I'll have some bacon and toast too." She whispered. He smiled at her, happy to see that she was going to try.

He placed all the food on her plate and handed it to her with a knife and fork. He devoured the rest of the goods quickly and Clara laughed ever so often at his awful table manners, when he wasn't in a posh restaurant.

She ate slowly, managing to digest each piece of food. She practically felt her stomach grow with each mouthful and had to constantly fight to keep the food down. She at least had to wait until John wasn't near.

They both ate their meals and talked quietly for the next hour, stealing kisses when they could.

John finally got up to leave when he realized he needed to go home and get some more clothes. He promised he'd be back within the hour and she gave him another kiss before he left.

She waited until she'd heard his car drive away, and then a few minutes more before she ran to the bathroom and threw up everything she had eaten that morning. She knew it had already digested and she wanted to cry from the thought of how much fat it had probably contained.

She brushed her teeth and tried to hide any evidence she'd been sick. She didn't want to upset John when he truly believed she was trying. As much as he wanted it, she just couldn't stand to let herself become fat again. Why did he have to tell her she was too thin? Everything was fine before people started asking questions.

When he returned, Clara was sitting on the couch watching a documentary about the ocean. She looked extremely bored and John raised his eyebrows at her. He knew that something was off about the way she looked. Clara almost looked…..guilty? He sat down beside her and took her hands in his so she could face him.

He leaned forwards and used one hand to stroke her face. "You might brush your teeth, but the stench stays Clara."

She immediately looked away, pretending to cough. "What do you mean?" She asked defensively.

"I know it's hard, but you need to try..." He began. Clara turned back to face him and something in the way that she looked made him stall. She looked ashamed in herself, almost like she'd disappointed him.

"Sorry..." She began, but he pulled her into a hug and hushed her before she allowed any tears to build up into her eyes.

Clara was scared that she would lose him. He was the only thing that made her feel better.

He knew she needed to stop feeling inadequate. She was perfect; perfect in every way for him and for everyone else. He needed to make her see that she should stop neglecting herself.

That's why she allowed him to kiss away her pain. That's why she allowed herself to exchange words of love with him and deepen the kiss. That's why she allowed him to carry her to her bedroom and lay her back gently on the bed as he removed his jacket.

He kissed her neck slowly, taking his time. It wasn't about a race filled with lust and passion; it was a ritual filled with love and belonging. Everything he did was to tell her how much he loved her, and how she would always be enough for him.

He slowly removed the baggy shirt she was wearing, taking his time to kiss each patch of skin he could reach. He gently unclasped her bra and he took extra time in making sure her breasts received a lot of attention. She moaned softly and arched her back slightly into him. He then continued to kiss down her stomach, past her navel, and to the waistband of the shorts she was wearing.

He hugged a finger underneath and pulled them down her legs slowly, discarding them onto the floor somewhere.

He was about to move his head lower to kiss Clara more when she grasped his hair tight and urged him to meet her lips once more. She then begun to work on removing his shirt. She traced her fingers lightly over his chest, sending the same message as he'd been sending her previously. To her, he was precious and she would do anything for him.

She unzipped his fly, freeing the strain slightly on his hard member, and pushed his trousers down his legs. John decided that this was enough attention on him as he crawled down Clara's body once more and started to kiss his way up her legs.

Clara shivered with anticipation as he reached the top of her thighs and placed a small kiss to her clothed centre. She moaned and bucked against him as he chuckled to himself. He then hastily removed her knickers and threw them to the side of the bed.

"You are so perfect." He whispered, looking up to Clara. She had no idea how to respond to that, but she quickly ceased thinking about it as she felt his tongue on her.

He was kissing her, sending sensations throughout her body. Every so often his tongue would dart inside unexpectedly and she would cry out in pleasure. Her hands found their way to his head and she gripped onto his hair tight, egging him on.

His fingers soon came to join in with the pleasure as he rubbed her clit and she cried out his name, her mind spinning out of control beneath him. He was giving her pleasure beyond belief and suddenly she felt like she was coming apart at the seams, breaking into a million pieces and exploding at a billion points in time all at once.

She rested back on the bed, her brow hot and sweaty and her breaths coming in, in heaves and uneven.

"That...was...wow..." She said with all of her energy. John kissed his way back up her body, finally reaching her lips. She could taste herself on him, but she didn't care.

He wrapped her up in his arms to indulge in a passionate kiss. She quickly became absorbed in the moment and very aware of his hard digging into her stomach. She pulled back, raising her eyebrows cheekily.

Reaching her hands down, she slowly slid off his boxers to his knees and his erection sprang free. He kicked off the material the rest of the way, before turning back to Clara. She pulled him in for a deep kiss as he hand wandered even lower.

He gasped and squeezed his eyes tight shut as he felt her lightly squeeze him. She moved her hand slowly back and forth, causing him to gasp and grunt in extreme pleasure.

She loved that she could make him feel this way; forget about everything and be absorbed in delight.

Her pushed his hand down and grabbed her wrist to still it. "I don't think I'll be able to hold out much longer if you continue." He whispered honestly into her ear.

She took his statement with a little bit of pride as positioned himself between her legs and nudged her thighs apart, kissing her again. He felt like he was forgetting something when it suddenly hit him and he stopped his movement, causing Clara to think he was having cold feet.

"Condoms!" He cried, looking apologetic.

"Oh, yeah." Clara laughed, breaking the tension. "This is so romantic." She teased as she leant over to her beside drawer and pulled out a foil packet.

She ripped it before rolling it onto his length. "Nothing else?" She asked in fake exasperation.

"Only that I love you." John murmured.

"I love you too." She replied, wrapping her legs around his back to give him the signal that she was ready.

He slowly lowered himself into her, watching her face as he did. This may have not been the first time for them, but this was the first time they'd both been completely honest about their feeling towards each other.

She groaned once he was fully inside her and opened her eyes to look at John. He was looking at her in a way she could only describe as adoration and she realised that she'd never felt more loved in her life.

John hugged her as he started to move, her hips rising to meet each thrust. He gained speed gradually until they set a steady pace. His fingers trailed down her bony back as he kissed her neck.

"Oh God." He moaned into her neck as she moved her legs slightly higher. The new angle took him in deeper than before and they both moaned from the feel of it.

Clara's cries began to gain volume and he knew she was close. He was close too and couldn't hold out much longer. Clara grabbed his face and pulled him in for a fierce kiss.

Her muscles clenched tight and she screamed his name into his neck to muffle the sounds of her orgasm rolling over her body. The feel of her coming around him send him over the top and he shouted her name out before collapsing on top of her, careful not to crush her as he supported his weight slightly.

They were both hot and sweaty, but they didn't care. John fell onto his side and opened up his arms, which Clara flung herself into. She curled up beside him and started to drift off to sleep.

"You make me feel special John." Clara whispered as she began to lose consciousness.

"That's because you are." He murmured in reply. "My special, impossible girl."

When she realized he was asleep, she looked up at him and kissed his lips before saying, "You're the special one. And I love you so much."


	12. Practicing Perfection

**Cheesy chapter for you here! Hope you like it! Please review because it makes me write faster :)**

She was laughing. He knew that sound a million miles away. It made his heard turn in an instant just so he would be able to see the glow on her face.

This was a genuine laugh, full of joy and happiness. Once his eyes had caught sight of her, he couldn't muster the courage to turn his head away again in fear of missing one second of it. She didn't notice him looking at her, just carried on grinning. Her eyes twinkled and John couldn't help but think how it was the first time he'd seen her laugh like that in a long time.

"John?" Jack asked, distracting his attention once again. He'd forgotten he'd been talking. Clara was laughing with Rory about something he couldn't quite make out. They had one week until the show and they had turned up early so they could practice in the studio with the principals for a short while.

"Yeah?" He replied sheepishly, snapping his head back around to Jack.

"I was saying that costume need to polish the shoes a little. I don't want them looking tatty and ruining the dance." Jack looked down at the checklist. They were making sure everything was perfect for the performances.

"Oh yeah, okay." John murmured. Jack looked over to Clara who was still talking to Rory and raised his eyebrows.

"She is gorgeous isn't she?" He said, smirking.

"She's perfect." John smiled to himself. He couldn't stop thinking about how she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met.

He was snapped out of his trance with a full slap to his face. He could feel the stares of Rory and Clara on the back of his head, and he knew his face must have been a sight because Jack was in hysterics.

He heard Clara's small giggle from behind him. He was about to turn around and challenge her for it, when she shouted, "Oi, chinboy! What did you do? Make too many advances?"

John turned around, mouth agape, to find Clara's body closer to him than he'd have expected. His mouth opened and closed like a fish a few times before he straightened his back and fixed his bowtie with a giant blush on his face.

"No!" He gasped. "Not with you in the room anyway." He winked at her and she lightly punched his arm.

"When did you learn to make jokes without blushing like a maniac?"

"I think I spend far too much time around you." He teased, sticking his tongue out.

Clara tutted under her breath before wondering back to Rory and suggesting they go over a specific piece of choreography.

Jack had finally contained himself and patted John's shoulder. "Sorry, I just had to do it." He chuckled. "You might wanna stop talking about her. It's a little more than obvious you have a huge crush on her. She might find it creepy after a while."

John pretended insult. "Hey, we're dating!" He told Jack, who's eyes widened at this new piece of gossip. "Hang on, don't tell anyone. Clara said not to." John looked to his feet nervously and put his hands behind his back so he wouldn't flail them around.

"Well that was not at all a shocker." Jack laughed. "It was going to happen someday."

John looked up and furrowed his brow. "What do you mean _someday_?"

Jack laughed before realising that John was deadly serious. "Oh come on! You never take your eyes off her. She's always staring at you. You never leave each other alone in breaks. All you ever talk about when we go out for drinks is "Clara Clara Clara" and it gets extremely obvious after a while."

"I guess it does." John smirked, happy that he wasn't just thinking he was that in love with Clara Oswald.

He turned back to watch her and Rory go through the dance. They were stood talking for a moment and Clara was teasing him. "You need to _fall in love_ with me Rory, not just pretend! It has to look realistic! I'm not the plague so no need to keep your distance!"

John sniggered at her words and glanced to his side to see that Jack had joined in with his observations.

They went through the dance again, this time going for all the romantic embraces properly. Clara's face was mere centimetres from Rory's for most of this scene and John could feel his blood boiling in the pit of his stomach for nor reason.

She did the back bend over Rory's arms and then raised herself up into the tight embrace, her hand on his face and her mouth practically on his.

John chose this moment to cough violently and turn away. Clara noticed it, but carried on dancing. He surely couldn't be jealous, could he?

She danced the rest of the routine, making sure it was as good as before even though she was entertained by the idea that her boyfriend was jealous of her friend.

Once the dance was over, Jack clapped and John tapped his hands together quietly. Clara flashed him a confused smile which he knew would mean that an explanation of his behaviour would have to be provided when the break came in a few minutes.

"Okay, and the black swan please? I've not personally seen it all the way through yet." Jack requested, ticking one other thing off his list.

Clara begun to dance, seducing Rory like she was meant to. John wasn't sure which dance he found worse. Each time he felt more and more jealous and more and more like an idiotic boy with his first girlfriend. He needed to stop feeling so over-protective.

He had to admit that he wasn't exactly happy with Rory at the current time. He'd manage to dance with Clara for weeks without noticing how much lighter she was becoming. There was no way he could have lifted her everyday and not noticed that she was becoming increasingly thinner around her waist.

Maybe he'd just not been paying too much attention, but if that was the case then John was still slightly angry. For people who work together everyday, they should have been paying enough attention to realise that.

Although, if Rory had known then John would have been furious. He doubted he did, but right now Rory wasn't on his good side and there was nothing he could do about that.

John snapped his attention back to Clara as heard the music for the fouettes come up. He watched as she begun to turn, her legs in the perfect positions.

Fouettes were always seen as the hardest balletic movement as they are effectively three moves within one. You have to pirouette, whilst doing a rond de jambe en l'air once every turn in the exact same position every time and change the supporting leg from demi-pointe to pointe on each turn. To go up onto the pointe that quicklyit was almost like jumping onto your toes. Every four beats there would be a double or triple pirouette so the repeating routine of thirty-two would be different and altered.

In effect, if Clara could do it each time, she would actually do forty-eight turns and thirty-two fouettes. That would only be if she could do triple pirouettes on each fourth beat. He wasn't aware if anyone had ever done that in a performance before, although he knew that it had been attempted and probably done, just not in the short time Clara would have. Her speed would have to be impeccable.

She spun perfectly, achieving a double spin on her first beat. She then swapped from three to two each time after that. It looked beautiful. Her rond de jambe was in the same place each time and always at the same height, feet pointed perfectly.

He watched her supporting leg carefully. People always spent so long perfecting the other positions that they would forget about the other leg. Clara was still managing to do that perfectly and he found his mouth dropping in awe.

She could have gone on longer if they'd given her time and John's mouth was still open slightly when she finished the entire routine. Jack let out a cheer.

"Wow! Well done girl! You're gonna knock their socks off!" He shouted, pulling her in for a hug. She was out of breath, but still beautiful; always beautiful.

John moved over to her and pushed Jack out of the way to pull her into a hug. "Wow." He whispered into her ear.

"Thank you." She replied before pulling back at the feel of Rory's finger tapping her shoulder.

* * *

They all walked towards the studio door upon realising that it was time for their first stage rehearsal to start. They had three days to run the show on the stage before they had a tech rehearsal and then a dress. In the dress, certain people were allowed to see the show for free. This was mostly for their representatives so that they could write a review before the show opened for bigger ticket sales.

Opening night would be previews. That meant that the press would be there, along with the entire board and the cast member's family. A few lucky people from the public might have been able to afford to get tickets to fill in the rest of the gaps. They were entirely sold out as far as John knew.

Clara was nervous for that day as they would video the most famous moments of the ballet, including the fouettes. She had to make sure it was perfect, but she determined to not push herself too hard in case it lead her to injury.

Their rehearsal ran smoothly, only a few problems here and there. John was reasonably relaxed and allowed John to make all the corrections.

In between numbers, if the cast were not on stage for a while they were permitted to sit in the audience so the performers could get a feel of what the audience would be like.

John waited nervously for Clara's solos, knowing that everyone would be watching. He knew that would make her more nervous but also, it would build her up. This was her chance to prove to everyone why she had been picked for prima.

The black swan dance started and she lost herself in the character. She barely even realised she was at the fouette sequence when it came. She just felt like she was flying, enjoying every moment.

She was vaguely aware that she was doing a lot of turns, but also that she was doing it right.

Before she could even think about it too much, the sequence was over and she completed the rest of the dance. When the music stopped, there was a silence in the room.

She couldn't see what everyone's faces were like because of the light directed at the stage. She heard someone start to clap, before more and more people joined in and a few cheers came. In a moment the whole company began to cheer.

She smiled to herself, grateful it had gone well. "Now _that _ is how you do it!" Jack shouted. "Forty seven turns!"

She flushed bright pink. Forty-seven turns? She was screaming internally, grinning from ear to ear.

"Just wait until everyone sees that." John said, walking towards the stage. He smiled reassuringly at her and she knew that she'd never been happier than in that moment.

She finally felt sure of herself; of her dancing. She didn't care what people thought about her weight or her figure. She loved to dance; it made her feel free.

It was like she could spread her wings and fly when she danced and nothing would ever bring her down.


	13. Buried Secrets

**Sorry for the wait! Wrote half of this ages ago but school got in the way this week! **

* * *

Clara could see her Dad and Gran in the audience. They were on the third row and gleaming from ear to ear. She could also see Marie in the audience. It meant so much to her that she'd actually come. She'd never have had the opportunities she did if it wasn't for her signing up Clara for the little dance competition. She'd had a few nervous breakdowns backstage before the show, but she'd found that if she didn't let it get to her then she was fine.

Her family didn't know about what she'd been going through and she wanted it that way. John was helping her get better. She could swear that his smile alone could lift her mood by fifty percent.

She felt glamorous in her white tutu with the beautiful head piece. As a child, she'd told her Mother that she wanted to be a swan when they'd gone to the lake district. She couldn't remember saying it, but her Mum had told it often and it made her smile to think that she was actually fulfilling that dream.

Thinking of her Mum made her sad, but she wanted to go out there and dance her best in honour of her. She'd always wanted to dance and she once said that watching Clara dance was the greatest joy in her life.

Clara did everything perfectly, the audience clapping respectively after each dance. She'd expected to get nervous as she changed into the black tutu, but she didn't. She felt like she was just dancing in her house and was free.

She truly felt the part as she pretended to seduce Rory, who was lifting her higher than usual. She guessed it was because he was trying to make her look better for a good review. It was sweet of him to do so and when they spent moments off stage, she flashed him knowing smiles to thank him.

She did her fouettes, not counting her turns. She didn't want to know if she'd made it or she hadn't; she could find that out later.

When they finally reached the finale, Clara felt very confident. She felt like she could be a ballerina and no-one would think she wasn't right for it. She felt pretty and graceful and for the first time in a long while, she felt happy about herself. She was proud of her performance and didn't feel fat or inadequate. It was just right.

The corps took their bow and she cheered them on respectively. Then the second soloists and then the firsts. She clapped and cheered each one, remembering how much it means to get that round of applause. Then the principals came on one by one.

Rory was just before her. His cheer was loud and she peeked nervously around the corner of the curtain before gracefully running on and taking a curtsey in the middle of the stage, all the cast members facing towards her. She'd expected everyone to go silent when she came on, not cheer even louder. She almost fell over in shock when she heard the noise and a smile was glued permanently onto her face.

* * *

She was still buzzing off the cheers of the audience as she left the building, everyone congratulating her. She thought nothing could bring her off her high until she heard shouting from a familiar voice on the street.

She looked over to see John shouting at David. People were turning to see what was going on and she begun to walk over to them so she could make them stop.

She was going to try and hear what was going on so she could sort it out, but then John punched David in the face and she ran over quickly.

"Stop it!" She shouted at them, trying to pull David away from John as he kicked and hit him whilst swearing at the top of his voice.

Clara tried to stop David when John begun swearing at him and trying to hit him again. She tried to push him away, getting caught in the middle.

"For God's sake, stop it! Stop!" She screamed as they carried on fighting. Everyone had begun to gather in a huddle nearby, staring at the fight.

Clara tried to intervene once more as John swung his fist around. David ducked it and hit Clara square in the lip. She fell back onto the pavement from the force and hit her head.

Now she was really angry, but it seemed the fight had stopped as they ran to check she was okay.

"Clara?" John shook her, lifting her head slowly off the pavement. "Clara, can you hear me?"

She opened her eyes and looked at his bruised face. He had a black eye forming and his cheek had split, but he seemed to have done about the same to his brother. She tried to focus on him but begun to see two of him. She shook her head to fight it out and sat up fully.

The moment she was finally aware of her surroundings again, she punched John in the shoulder. "Yoww!" He cried, falling back from the force. "You have an arm on you, don't you?"

"What the fuck?" She shouted at both of them. "Are you five years old? Fighting in the middle of the street like babies!"

They both looked down in slight shame but she could see the looks of hate from the corner of their eyes, directed towards one another.

"Clara, I'm so sorry." John tried to soothe. As she begun to stand he grabbed her arm. "Here, let me help..."

"No!" She shouted at him, shrugging him off as she stood. "You're going to tell me what the hell is going...on."

The moment she was fully stood a wave of dizziness hit her and she swayed from side to side until John caught her.

"We should probably take her to A and E." David murmured into John's ear, rushing to help Clara.

"No A and E." She complained. "I'll be fine. I just stood up too quickly."

John looked to David and narrowed his eyes. "If she is properly hurt, I swear to God..."

"I didn't do anything! You're the one that hit her, remember?"

"You're the one that started it in the first place you little..."

"Guys!" Clara shrieked. "Don't you ever stop?"

John looked down guiltily and David stood up. "She better be okay by tomorrow John." He warned as he moved to the edge of the pavement to hail a taxi for them. "Going by how many standing ovations she got, we'll sell out in no time and I need my new lead dancer able to spot on her turns without collapsing."

Clara moaned and wanted to smash her head against the pavement again. She would not be happy if she had to miss performances because of their stupid argument, which made no sense.

"I'm really sorry Clara." John whispered into her ear. "I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear I..."

"Ssh John." She soothed, closing her eyes as the want to sleep took over her. "It's fine. I'm okay, see?"

She leant into John's chest and tried to sleep. He shook her violently. "Clara, don't fall asleep! You could pass out unconscious! You just received a vicious head injury, are you insane?"

"But my head hurts so much and I just want to..." She collapsed into his arms and John groaned in hurried annoyance.

"David call an ambulance. She needs to go to the hospital." He demanded and his brother looked over angrily.

"You're fault, twat." He picked up his phone and dialled.

"Next time, don't bring it up eh?" John spat back, opening Clara's eyelids to see any signs of REM.

* * *

The ambulance arrived a few minutes later, taking Clara to A and E. John went with her, explaining what happened to receive extremely judging looks from the paramedics.

Once she was inside, he was instructed to wait to be called. He was told he had to be a close relative to go in with her. He sat patiently for an hour, praying she would be okay. He felt awful and knew she would be flaming when she woke.

"Relatives of Clara Oswald?" A nurse called into the waiting room.

"That's me!" John stood up and shouted, not caring that he wasn't exactly a relative. He followed the nurse to a cubicle and sat beside a drowsy, but awake Clara.

"Hey, how you doing?" He asked gently, picking up her hand and stroking his thumb over the back of it.

"I feel like I've been hit by a truck." She murmured. He chuckled lightly and leant forward to stroke her face lovingly.

"Do you remember what happened?"

She nodded and his stomach dropped when her eyes narrowed. "Yes, I do." She grunted, glaring at him angrily. "You are so dead you complete and utter bast-..."

"Miss Oswald?" The nurse peeped around the corner and walked in. Clara hushed down to listen to her. "You had a small head trauma, but you will be fine. You didn't crack your head and there's no amnesia. You may feel a little dizzy so I'd advice to rest for a bit, maybe the next day or two?"

Clara shook her head. "No, Miss you don't understand. I really can't rest, I have to work tomorrow."

The nurse bit her lip. "You can probably work. Just make sure you're not moving around too much or making yourself dizzy, just in case."

John begun to laugh and then disguised it in a cough as Clara stared at him. She looked extremely angry now.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, but I'm a ballerina. Moving is kind of part of the job description."

The nurse looked up after reading Clara's charts and her eyes widened. "Oh, you might want to take the day off then."

Clara's head shook violently, giving her an awful headache. She opened her mouth to speak once more when John interrupted.

"I'd just prepare yourself for Clara to complain. Basically, tomorrow is the first night the show goes open to the public and she is our principal dancer in the most legendary ballet of all time and..."

"You work at the Royal ballet?" The nurse suddenly said over John, making Clara's head rise.

"Yeah." Clara murmured. "This is John Smith, the director who has no idea on how to control his fucking limbs from flying fucking everywhere and hitting one Miss Clara Oswald square in the fucking..."

"Clara!" John scolded at all the swearing in her sentence, but she looked the least bit bothered.

"John!" She scolded back. "Don't go beating up your bloody dancers if you want me to shut up."

John opened his mouth to speak and then shut it again. "It was an accident. And I said sorry." He muttered.

"What was that?" Clara snapped at him.

"Nothing!" He replied. She lifted her arm lazily and hit his shoulder, right where his bruise from earlier was. "Okay, I'm sorry!"

Clara nodded. "It'll do. For now." She looked down grumpily and she reminded John a little of a stubborn child, but he kept that comparison in his head in case she got even angrier with him.

The nurse smiled and then looked up. "Tell you what? I'll get you some strong pain relievers and travel sickness pills to ease the dizziness. You should be able to dance tomorrow."

Clara lifted her head up eagerly to thank the woman. "Don't worry about it." The nurse interjected. "I have tickets to see Swan Lake tomorrow with my brother for his birthday. I'd hate to make the lead dancer miss it."

Clara sat up quickly and jumped out of bed, ignoring the extreme pain in her head. she hugged the woman tight. "Thank you so much!" She said gleefully.

Clara felt like a little girl, but she didn't care. She sat back down on the bed after a few moments and smiled.

The nurse turned around to leave before turning back. "Actually, um sir? Could you leave for a few moments? I need to talk to Clara about something private."

John looked up upon realising she was speaking to him. "Oh, yeah sure. Of course."

He left grumpily and waited a few feet away, leaving a decent amount of space between the cubicle and himself so he couldn't hear. The nurse left a minute later, nodding to him. "Be right back with the pills." She said kindly.

John smiled kindly back before going back to Clara. He sat beside her on the bed and pulled her in for a hug. "I'm really sorry." He whispered into her hair.

"I know you are." Clara murmured into his shirt. "I'm just trying to make you feel bad."

John smiled at her and then pulled back to look at her. "What were you talking about? Anything important?"

Clara looked down to her fingers. "Just that I'm technically underweight and it probably is what caused me to pass out after I hit my head. It's fine John. Don't look at me like that!"

He was staring worriedly at her and she kissed his frown. "Just make sure you're okay before you do any kind of dancing." He reassured.

* * *

They left twenty minutes later with some tablets. Once they reached Clara's flat, she checked her answer-phone to find four new messages. Two from her Dad and Marie, congratulating her on the performance and saying how beautiful it was, which made her smile. Then there was a message from David asking if she was okay and to get John to call when they got home. John left the room after that to make the call. The final message was from Dave, worrying about his daughter. It turned out that John had called his hotel he was staying at and told him what happened.

Clara picked up her phone and called her Dad to tell him she was fine. It took a lot of convincing him not to beat up John, but he finally agreed. When she put down the phone, she turned around to see John in the doorway.

"We need to talk." Clara said seriously, sitting down on the sofa as she waited for John to join her.

He sat slowly, as he was being told off by his parents.

"What the hell were you guys fighting about earlier? And don't lie to me because I got hurt in the process."

"It doesn't matter. You don't want to know." John murmured and Clara shook her head.

"I do want to know and I think I have a right to after earlier!"

John looked down to his feet. "Does it really matter to you?" He asked loudly after a few moments of thought.

"Yes!" Clara replied, fed up of him blocking her out.

"You won't get it!"

"Just tell me why you were fighting!"

"It was because of my parents." He shot back.

"What about them? Don't you dare give me a brief answer like that John, tell me!"

"It's because I killed them! I'm the reason they're dead!"


	14. The Milk To My Tea

**So, sorry for the long wait! I wrote half of this and just got so tied up! It's not even a very long chapter and I feel like such a dick! Sorry! Feel free to message me on here or tumblr or review to tell me to hurry up!**

**About two or three chapters left I'd say. Hope you've liked the story so far!**

**- Shiri xo**

* * *

Clara froze as she stared at John. His head was in his hands and he was gripping his hair tight in frustration.

"What?" Clara whispered, hoping he wouldn't hear it.

"I...I killed them. My own parents. I killed them. I killed them. I killed them." He kept repeating himself over and over, getting louder each time. Clara stared down at the man she loved in shock, unable to believe that this man, who she had allowed herself to love so much, was capable of that.

John carried on chanting the words until Clara turned back to face him.

"Stop it!" She shouted, unnecessarily loud. "I...I'm sorry." She choked when he stilled and she threw her arms around him, pulling him in tight. "I didn't mean to...I'm sorry I shouldn't shout, I shouldn't..."

Words were lost to Clara and she ended up staying quiet, waiting for John to break the shrieking silence.

"It's all my fault they're dead." John whispered.

"What...What happened John?" Clara asked quietly. She pulled back and looked him in the eyes, holding his hands in her knees.

He looked down, swallowing to remove some of the thickness that was blocking his throat. "I never meant to...I never thought that they'd do it." John murmured.

Clara carried on looking at him, showing that she would still listen. "I was eight years old." John began. "David, he...he always got to do things I couldn't because he was twelve. He was allowed to stay in his room all day and cook his own dinner and be moody but I wasn't. It wasn't fair in my eyes and it made me really upset a lot. I think...After one night where he'd been allowed to stay out late, I made a fuss. My parents sent me to bed, but I hadn't had any dinner and I was hungry."

John started to shake ever so slightly and Clara begun lightly rubbing his arm and down.

"But I didn't know how to cook. I just turned on the cooker and tried to fry an egg. I'd seen my mum do it a million times. A cloth next to it caught fire, but I didn't notice. I had gone to get a plate and by the time I turned back around, my kitchen was on fire. I ran out of there as fast as I could. I didn't want to be told off by my parents and so I hid in a bush across the street. David came running out with Mum and Dad and they were scared. Then my Mum realised that I wasn't there and must have still been in my bedroom. She ran back in and my Dad went after her."

Clara watched John fight back tears that were inevitably going to fall.

"The gas from the cooker went up and my parents were still looking for me. I was so scared and I didn't think to do anything. The ambulance arrived and the fire engines, but it was too late. I hid in that bush for about two hours, hoping that they were okay. My neighbour found me later and handed me over to the police. They took me to the hospital where my brother was crying. Turns out, my Mum had nearly made it. She'd spoken to David before she died and she'd begged him to make sure I was safe. He had thought I was dead. He...when he saw me at first, he cried even more. Then he realised that I'd been okay the whole time and he tried to kill me. The police had to hold him back off me. He still hates me to this day. The last thing my Mum said was to "find John" and I was the reason they were dead in the first place."

Clara shook her head violently and cupped his face, turning him to her. "It's not your fault." She murmured.

"Clara, it..."

"It's not." She repeated stubbornly. "It was never your fault John and don't you ever dare think it was. Don't you dare."

She pulled him into his arms and rocked him back and forth gently as he sobbed onto her shoulder. She whispered sweet nothings into his ear until he finally had cried himself dry and then she allowed him to go into her room. He stripped down to his boxers quietly as she found a t-shirt and shoved it over her underwear. They crawled under the duvet and John pulled Clara into his arms, cradling her head in his chest.

"Everyone I've ever loved hates me or is dead Clara." He murmured regretfully "After River, I promised myself never to love again. I was sure that I would ruin whoever I needed desperately, so I tried to not need anyone. And then you came along, with your big brown eyes and gorgeous little smile and I knew I was screwed."

Clara smiled into his chest and it made his heart warm as he felt it. "The fact you stay with me after all the shit we've gone through means more to me tan anything Clara. I know I shouldn't be so rude, but please don't leave me."

Clara looked up at him and pulled him closer to her body if it was possible. "I'm never going anywhere, ever again John. I promise you. Never again." She leant up and kissed him gently on the lips before wrapping herself up in his arms.

* * *

She woke to an absence in her bed. John wasn't there, but his clothes were still on the floor. She smiled to herself, remembering the promise she'd made the night before. She'd truly meant it.

After finding some comfy things to throw on, Clara walked through to the kitchen to find John cooking her breakfast. She watched over his shoulder as he fried the eggs. She'd never seen anyone cook them so perfectly.

"My Mum was always great with eggs." John whispered and Clara wrapped her arms around his stomach from behind.

"So are you." She murmured into his bare back, and he smiled and her drowsiness. It was a very domestic feeling which he found himself falling in love with.

"Morning." He replied, tilting his head back slightly. Clara moved to his side to plant a kiss on his lips.

"Good morning." She chirped. John pulled out two plates from beside Clara and put the eggs on them, then pulling toast out of the toaster and putting them together. Clara was about to pick up the plate, when John held out a hand to stop her. She paused as he cut a circle out of the centre of the toast and gave it to Clara to eat. She frowned at his as he carefully placed the toast on top of the egg, the yolk in the middle. She couldn't help but laugh at the situation but it was these little things that made her love him more.

"You're a six year old, you know that?" She teased as she grabbed her plate and a knife and fork.

"I must be a very able six year old if I managed to do that thing the other night which you said was..."

Clara stuck her fingers in her ears, grinning. "Lalalalalalala. I can't hear you. Lalalalala." She sang, sticking her tongue out at John.

"And I thought I was six. We must be six together." John laughed, as they sat down on the sofa to eat their food.

"Always." Clara replied thoughtlessly.

"Always six?" John laughed carelessly.

"Always together." Clara smiled and curled up to John to eat her egg in toast.


	15. Things Are Different

**Extra long chapter because I haven't updated in so long!**

**Sorry guys, I hope you like it! Some old friends are coming in now.**

* * *

"Clara look at this!" John squealed, dragging Clara to the corner store.

"What?" She answered tiredly, trying to pull him back to the pavement. They'd both chosen to walk to the theatre early so that they could have some time together without feeling rushed.

Clara took the magazine that John was holding and looked at a small box at the bottom of the page. _All the latest gossip on the hottest new ballerina_, it read with a picture of Clara the night before.

She glanced a smile up at John who was beaming. Quickly opening to the correct page, she saw a whole double spread dedicated to the ballet. It gave it's praises to many, including John who was happy to receive a mention, but mostly to Clara.

She read the praises one by one: _so much soul, so much energy. Truly passionate about her work. Everything perfect. _

After the fourth read-through she was still in shock. "They liked me?" She gasped quietly. John's hands covered hers as she put the magazine back on the shelf.

"Of course they do Clara." He murmured, kissing her cheek gently. "Who wouldn't?"

She wanted to be modest, but the blush growing on her cheeks was enough and she whispered a small thank you before they continued their journey to the theatre.

* * *

Somewhere on the way, Clara forgot that no-one knew about her relationship and left her arm linked with John's. As they arrived, he turned to face her and she was smiling from ear to ear.

They leant in to kiss slowly with lovesick grins. Before their lips could touch, they were interrupted by a very loud wolf whistle directed at them. Clara pulled back to see who had done it.

Jack gave them a two thumbs up smugly whilst a very uncomfortable looking Rory stood next to him. Amy was the final part of the trio and she squealed as John turned around.

He was attacked with a hug from the tall redhead. "Planning on telling me you guys had finally got together any time soon?" She teased.

"Finally?" Clara piped in.

"Oh come on, it was killing us to see you two not together! The obvious attraction sticks out like an O among a line of Ls!" Amy released John from the hug, grinning happily.

John and Rory had made their way over to them and Clara smiled at Rory. "Hey." She greeted casually.

"Hi." He smiled as Amy caught up on what she'd missed with John. "Oh Clara, I was wondering if we could quickly go over one of the lifts. I think I've been holding you wrong."

Clara nodded. "It's a good thing we arrived an hour early isn't it then?" Rory wasn't as cheerful as usual and she couldn't figure out what it was that was bothering him.

"John?" She called, grabbing his attention. "We're just going to rehearse." She knew she didn't have to tell him where she was going, but she had a strong feeling he would get upset if she suddenly wasn't there. He barely let her out of his sight anymore.

"Clara, don't turn too fast! He called after her with sudden concern that she would make herself sick.

"I'll be fine!" She called back, walking off quickly. Clara entered the studio with Rory, leaving John and Amy to talk.

"We need a chat." Amy said seriously, the moment the other two had gone inside. Jack had followed after them and she found this the most suitable time for what she needed to say.

"What did you say to Rory last night that got you so pissed off, you started a fight with your brother?" She questioned, her eyes smile turning into a frown and it was evident she was mad. "Because he came home last night in tears and refused to tell me what was wrong! He just kept saying your name and that you'd said something! You don't do that to family John!"

John looked down to the floor. "I didn't want him to cry..."

"Well he did! He's delicate John. You know he doesn't do well when his family turns on him."

"I can't tell you what was said. It was to do with the job and it had to be done." John looked into Amy's eyes. She stilled for a few seconds before slapping him around the face.

"Ow! What was that for?" John cried out.

"You're firing him?" Amy shrieked in disgust, punching his shoulder. John put his hand in the way and took a few steps back.

"No! No, of course I'm not! Why would I do that?" Amy paused her attack on her best friend and frowned in confusion.

"Isn't that why he is upset? You said that it was..."

"It's not firing him Amelia!" John stood up straight and pulled her in for a hug. "Amy it wasn't about that. I was...he hadn't noticed something important and it caused someone else to be in pain."

Amy pulled away and looked at John. "Rory wouldn't do that if he'd known. He's the nicest man I know John."

"I know he is. That's why I got so angry. I just shouted at him about something because he needed to know." John tried to be as vague as possible.

"This is to do with Clara, isn't it?" It was more like a statement than a question. John didn't need to say anything for her to know that it was right. She'd seen how much he cared for her, simply in the way he held her. He could barely take his eyes off her for a few seconds. It was mostly staring in love and admiration, but there was concern too. He was concerned about her and worried, so he had to constantly check she was okay all the time.

"I could have lost her Amy." John whispered. "I know he didn't realise that, but I don't know what I'd have done."

* * *

Clara took off her hoodie and decided to dance with her sweatpants still on. She quickly warmed up and stretched her feet before walking over to Rory and starting the dance.

The lift was not too complicated, but it was meant to look like she was flying and he'd been holding her in the wrong place, so she just looked like she was being carried.

They tried it several times before putting it in the choreography. Rory lifted Clara delicately as she did the lift as best she could. She could see in the mirror that he needed to hold her higher. He wasn't putting all of his strength into it and she couldn't figure out why. After the fifth time of going through the sixteen bars, Clara stopped.

Rory gave her a puzzled look but remained silent. That tipped her off that something was definitely wrong.

"Um..." She started, putting her palm to her forehead and shutting her eyes for a moment fro the sudden burst of pain in her head. She had some pain killers in her bag which she needed to take. "You need to lift me higher. It's meant to seem like you're barely touching me, so if you lift higher with full arms, you won't have to use as much muscle and then you can do it better."

Rory nodded and stood still, waiting for Clara to walk over to him so the could try it. She took two cautious steps and then paused. Rory avoided her eyes at all times and she suddenly felt very ignored.

"Have I...have I done something wrong?" Clara asked timidly, eyes darting down towards her fee which were sliding from fifth to third position continuously.

Rory's eyes widened in fear and shock. "No!" He cried out. "Of course you haven't!"

"Then why are you trying to avoid me? I swear _you _were the one who suggested we practice." She looked over to the mirrors to avoid Rory's shocked gaze. He struggled to find the right words that he could say to her without her getting upset.

"John came to me after the show yesterday." Rory murmured. "He was a little angry with me about something. Throughout the conversation, he got pretty mad. I think that's why he fought with his brother. He was already mad before they begun to wind each other up."

Clara hadn't been told that the night before and she couldn't think why he wouldn't tell her that. It was so unlike him to keep much secret at all.

"Why was he angry?" Clara put her hands on his shoulders. "I'm not going to be mad with you Rory, whatever it is. You know you can trust me." She gave him a small smile which he returned.

"He said...I can't Clara, he'll kill me." Rory looked around nervously and she grew extremely concerned.

"What did he say?" She demanded. "I can always go ask him you know!" She paused and looked down to her feet with a sudden realisation. "Was it about me in some way?"

Rory took a deep breath and swallowed. She took that for what it was, which was a yes. She looked back up to him and bit her lip. "Your name wasn't said in the conversation." Rory finally said.

Clara stood back and raised her eyebrows. "But it was clearly about me." She closed her eyes in anger that he wouldn't tell her what was going on.

"He told me..." Clara looked up and waited for Rory to gain his confidence to finish off the sentence. "He told me that I should pay more attention with my work. He also threatened that if something happened again I would be fired. When I asked what he was talking about, he asked me how I was able to carry dancers around for nine hours every day and not notice them losing weight. He also shouted at me for being able to carry said dancers and not realise that their ribs are more prominent."

Clara turned away from Rory in anger, not directed towards him but for John. "How dare he." She whispered under her breath. She walked to the studio door and turned back to Rory. "The lift is fine. Now, if you'll please excuse me."

Rory threw his head into his hands knowing that John would be furious.

* * *

"Hey, Clara!" John called in the corridor. "I was just looking for you!"

"Go away." She murmured childishly as she ignored him on the way to her dressing room. She could feel his eyes burning holes into the back of her head but she was too angry to care.

John turned away from her in sadness as she shut the dressing room door in his face. It took him a moment to think of what was wrong and then he remembered that she'd just been with Rory. Knowing her, she would have drilled it out of him. He leant against the door and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, just loud enough so she would be able to hear. Clara froze inside the dressing room. She turned back around and quietly made her way over to the door, lying her back against it and listening to what he had to say.

Unaware that she was doing the same as him, John sat down and continued. "I was just so mad that he'd allowed you to get that way. He was the first that should have noticed." John took four deep breaths, each one Clara counted as if her life depended on it. "You just...you were so beautiful up there last night and it made me think of all the crap you suffered yet you still managed to be amazing. I wanted him to feel guilty that it had gone so far so when he saw you dancing so beautifully, he realised just how hard you worked for this."

Clara breathed a silent sigh. "I don't want a pity party John." Her voice made his heart jump, especially from it being so close. He waited for more words to come but instead heard her unlocking the door. He stood up hastily and bit his lip as Clara pulled the door open. "I don't need to be pitied." She repeated, this time eye to eye.

"I know." He murmured, opening his arms up. She threw herself into them and buried her face deep in his chest. He moved into her dressing room and slid them down against the door, locking it on the way. She curled her body, half atop his and rested her head on his chest. "How's the head?" He whispered, stroking her hair out of her face comfortingly.

She groaned. "Hurts like hell, but I have aspirin." She replied, closing her eyes and savouring the moment. She felt herself drifting to sleep, but she didn't care. It was nice to be held by John; it made her feel safe.

* * *

She was being shaken and she opened her eyes, sitting up quickly. A sudden pain hit her head and she whimpered, turning around to John who looked like a rabbit in the headlights.

"If you two are having sex in there, I swear to God I will get a video!" Jack was shouting at the door, trying to twist the handle. Clara groaned in frustration and kicked a shocked John out of the way before unlocking the door and opening it. Jack looked far too amused for her liking.

"If you want to know, I fell asleep on him and he had the decency not to wake me." Clara corrected Jack sleepily, yawning at the end incidentally

"Oh I know, saw on the monitors." Jack pointed at the back wall of the dressing room.

"Monitors?" Clara shrieked, running to the back to find a camera in a part of the room she simply hadn't noticed before.

"Yeah to give you your cues." Jack told her, placing her pointe shoes on the table. "These are your act 2 shoes and before you ask, Jackie already broke them so you can go straight up."

Clara gave him a small smile, forgetting about the monkey-like man standing up in the corner of the room. "Thanks Jack." John grumbled and Clara turned around to face him.

"You okay?" She asked quietly. "Sorry for kicking you." She bit her lip nervously as John cupped her face with his hands.

"I know you turn like a blender Clara, but please slow down your turns today. If you pass out it's way too much paper work for me." She giggled and looked up to him, pecking his lips lightly.

"I'll try. Can't promise more than that." She murmured. John pulled her in for another kiss and this time she allowed it to be deeper.

They sprang apart when they saw the flash of the camera behind their closed eyes. "Jack!" Clara cried, kicking him in the shin. "You better delete that!"

Jack walked towards the door with a knowing smile. "Oh, don't worry. I will." He grinned at them cheekily and left the room.

Clara's eyes were wide but John was laughing. She looked over to him to ask him what was so funny as he kissed her again. "Jack's trustworthy. He won't do anything with those pictures."

Clara nodded. "Thirty minutes until Showtime. Better get ready." She pulled away and walked over to her costume rail to pull out her first tutu.

"See ya!" She turned around fast enough to see the door click as John left the room. It was only then she realised how empty her dressing was on her own and she missed his presence.

* * *

The show went really with more standing ovations. Clara had forgotten about the earlier mayhem. She even got a congratulations from David on the way out for not passing out from dizziness. She wasn't planning on telling him that she almost did backstage. Luckily, no-one had noticed so she was fine.

Clara waited outside the stage door for John to meet her. A few girls greeted her and asking for her to sign things, which she found very strange. Things like that never usually happened to her. She saw a woman lurking in the darkness.

After fifteen minutes, she walked over to her. "Hi." Clara smiled. "You okay?"

The woman looked up and gave a smug smile. "I'm fine, thank you though. You were very beautiful tonight."

The woman was wearing heels and a black coat, but she still wasn't too much taller than Clara in heels. Her hair was massive and curly and she was extremely attractive. She had an oddly enchanting voice that made Clara's skin tingle.

"Clara!" She heard Jack calling her name in the background.

"Thank you." She said to the woman. "I'm sorry, I'll be one minute." She gave an apologetic smile, then ran over to Jack.

"What is it?" She asked cheekily, eyeing the arm he had behind his back.

"I deleted that picture you told me to." He said happily. Clara knew there was more to it, simply from his proud smile.

"But...?" She urged, trying to see around his back.

"I made you a postcard first, for your time in the show so far." He handed her a piece of card with a small collage on the front .It had been printed and it made Clara smile. There were four pictures of her dancing, two more from rehearsals and two of Clara and John. She gasped at the picture of her asleep on him earlier.

"How did you..?" John smirked and Clara bit her lip to stop herself from grinning too much. "Cameras yeah? I'm half surprised there's none of me naked on this!"

Jack's eyebrows raised as if he had just thought of something genius ."If I knew you sat in your dressing room naked, I'd be watching the cameras more often." Jack made a point to overly check out Clara and she slapped him playfully.

Jack was laughing too, but something stopped him as he looked to the darkness. Clara froze suddenly, watching as Jack made a circle around her and walked towards the woman she'd been speaking to previously.

"River? Why are you here?" He asked quietly. She stepped out of the shadows and tutted at him.

"Not even a hello. What ever happened to your manners Jack?" She smiled deviously at him, but Jack wasn't returning it like he usually would.

"If he sees you here, you are done for. Just go and let him be."

"I'm here to see my cousin-in-law." She said defensively. Clara couldn't see what was happening from where she was standing and she couldn't hear much either.

She felt a tap on her shoulder and she turned to face a smiling John. "You didn't faint." He teased and she groaned.

"I wanted to. I felt like hell on those turns. Damn headache made me almost lose my spot." She sighed into his chest and he petted her head.

"Well you were perfect anyway." He whispered, kissing her forehead gently. She smiled at him and put the postcard in front of his eyes.

"Jack made it." She smiled. "I particularly like that one of you by the door and me spark out. You look so bored." She teased, grabbing the lapels of his coat and bringing him in for a kiss.

"Enough with the tongue already!" Amy shouted. Clara smiled at John secretly.

"We are always interrupted, aren't we?" She whispered. He pecked her lips again and nodded.

"Not at home we're not." He murmured into her ear, causing her heart to speed up.

John and Clara turned to Amy and smiled. "Even Jack is getting sick of it!" Amy laughed. She said it loud enough for Jack to purposely hear.

"Yeah, well that's only because Jack's jealous he can't join in!" Clara turned and shouted to Jack cheerfully.

Jack turned around, smiling again. "Oh I will, just you watch!" He replied

"In your dreams!" Clara shouted, grabbing onto John's arm playfully and laughing with the rest of them.

John turned back to shout something at Jack when he saw big blonde curls out of the corner of his eye. He knew who Jack was talking to and he suddenly felt uneasy.

"I'd like to go Clara." He whispered into her ear and she turned to him puzzled.

"Hello Sweetie." A woman said from behind John and they all turned around to face River Song.


	16. I Should Tell You

**Another long chapter! This one was going to be quite sweet at first but I found the storyline tying into it quite nicely and, what can I say, it's now a bit hard-hitting. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and has had patience with me over the updates! Early one now for you! :D**

**I read this through yesterday and found two grammar mistakes but right now when I'm correcting, because I was on my phone, I only found one! So sorry about that in advance!**

* * *

"What are you doing here River?" John asked harshly. Clara had never heard him use such a violent tone towards people for no reason before.

It then occurred to her that he had said River. That meant this woman was...oh.

"Didn't take you too long to move on now, did it? Do you just pick up all the primas or just the _special ones_. Is that what you said to her?" River smiled at Clara kindly but it was clear John's blood was practically boiling.

"River, leave. Now. And don't speak about Clara like that." He moved closer to her, removing his arm from Clara's grasp.

"I just came for a nice evening at the ballet and to meet my cousin. That illegal?" She replied feigning innocence.

"It is when all you are doing is trying to make things difficult." He spat.

"I was simply stating an obvious fact." She mused. "When she's dancing you don't see it and at first glance in person you don't either, but..." River moved over to Clara and walked around her in a circle. "Yep, legs too short, back too long and slightly too small. To even get into the ballet auditions you have to have the correct proportions, which she clearly does not."

"Actually, I came on transfer from the Northern ballet tour company." Clara piped up, refusing to feel intimidated by the woman making judgments on her.

"Ah." River said sweetly. "But surely someone as different as you would have to stay in the corps? I would have chosen Astrid or Marie if I'm perfectly honest."

John grabbed River's arm and pulled her away from Clara. "Astrid did it for one season and wasn't good enough, Marie has a broken ankle."

Clara couldn't help but feel like he was explaining why Clara was prima when she was second best. She felt extremely belittled and it didn't help that her boyfriend was unintentionally doing it too.

"So, why Clara?" River asked. "I'm not saying she's bad, because she is far from it, but the only reason I can think of as to why she got prima is that she is your girlfriend and the fact you were kissing her earlier makes that seem plausible."

Jack touched John's arm to warn him not to get angry. It was evident River was winding him up and she knew exactly how to do it.

Clara grew a little uneasy as she realised she had no idea who's decision it had been to make her prima. She knew that they'd said her dancing was great but she didn't know if it was John or the board who made the decision.

"Because she is a beautiful dancer. We only started dating two weeks ago and she had been made prima long before that. She'd been noticed by several other dance companies who wanted her as their lead dancer. With that in mind, I took it to the board to consider her as the new prima. If not, we would tell her about the offers for the other places. They watched her carefully and came back with a 100% of them saying yes."

River nodded her approval over to Clara. "Seems you have some high reputation to live up to then." She smiled at her. Clara hated how sweet she was purposefully being. "Good luck."

River walked past a still angry John and over to Amy and Rory, who silently said their apologies to John before leaving to go home. Clara walked over to John and cupped her face in her palms. "Don't let it get to you." She urged. "It'll only make it worse."

John looked at Clara and nodded kissing her gently. "Come on, let's go home." He said quietly.

* * *

Clara rested on naked John's chest, her eyes closed but not asleep. She could tell from his breaths that he wasn't either.

What River had said earlier about it being noticeable that she was the wrong shape for a ballerina haunted her mind and she couldn't help but feel everything she had felt before over it.

Even after going to extreme lengths to be thin, she still didn't look right and she never would. She couldn't tell John how she felt about what had been said though. He would get so angry and try and tell her she was beautiful even when she knew she wasn't. That was something she loved about him but also hated because when all she needed was the truth, he told her his opinion.

Clara tensed her stomach muscles and looked down to see if it made any improvement.

"Don't think that." John suddenly murmured, looking at her worriedly. She moved further up the bed to kiss him on the lips, moving her body full atop his to rest on his chest and look up at him.

"What are you talking about?" She asked politely, drumming her fingers gently across his heart.

"I could feel you suck your stomach in." He clarified. "Don't let what she said get to you." His hands came to rest at the small of her back, tracing circles with his nails.

Clara closed her eyes and kissed his chest. "She's right and you know it."

"No she's not." John argued. Clara's eyes opened but stayed fixed on his chest. "Clara?" He asked, taking his hand to slowly lift her chin. "She's not." He said into her eyes, trying to emphasise just how much he meant it.

Clara looked down to her left sorrowfully, refusing to believe anything he said. John grabbed her hips and pulled her higher up his body so she was face to face with him. "It's funny how, in one day you could receive a million compliments, but you'll always remember that one person who said something mean." He whispered into her hair.

"You only remember it when it's a true thing though." Clara murmured.

John closed his eyes, swapping the positions quickly causing Clara to cry out in surprise. His mouth sought out hers and he kissed her passionately. She moaned into his mouth and he pulled back slightly, their lips still touching.

"You are beautiful Clara." Her murmured. "Don't. Ever. Forget it." He emphasised each word with a kiss in between.

He could tell she still didn't believe him from the look in her eyes. He was determined to make her see how perfect she was. He kissed her gently, slowly moving to kiss each of her cheeks and her nose. He kissed each eyelid and her forehead before trailing his lips down to her neck. She moaned as his teeth lightly grazed her skin but she stayed still, curious as to what he was doing.

His lips moved over her shoulder then down to her breasts, over her stomach and then onto her legs. He kissed every part of her body he could reach. His lips came back to her stomach and kissed each rib several times, stroking her skin. His hand remained there as he moved back up to kiss Clara again. His fingers walked up and down her chest and Clara had never felt ore loved.

John pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. "You are so perfect. Every little inch of you is perfect."

Clara felt butterflies fill up her stomach and her head felt dizzy from how much she loved this man. She wrapped her arms around his neck, crashing his lips into hers passionately and wrapping her legs around his waist.

If Clara was the Earth then John was her sun, lighting the way home and giving her warmth.

* * *

She sat on the edge of the bath tub, shaking; although she wasn't sure if that was from the cold or from the news she'd just found out.

"Clara?" John called from the bedroom. She quickly jumped up and hid her things, opening the door and walking through.

"Yeah?" She said as casually as she could, although it came out shaky.

John turned to her. "Are you okay? You're a little pale." He said with great concern.

"I'm fine." Clara smiled. "what did you want?" She asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Err, oh yeah, have you seen my ballet shoes? I can't see them anywhere!" He dropped to the floor to look under the bed, pushing the boxes aside.

"Ballet shoes?" Clara asked in amusement. "I didn't know you owned a pair. Only seen your jazz shoes."

John looked up in faked horror. "Of course I own ballet shoes Clara! I thought I'd dance with you today, seeing as you don't know this ballet and Rory does."

Clara smiled. "Shouldn't Rory be teaching it then so I get used to him dancing?" She teased.

"Ah...Well...Theoretically yes but I want to have a go!" He said cheerily, followed by an "Ah!" as he pulled the shoes out.

* * *

Clara warmed up with some of the other girls, happy to see them in rehearsals again. Shows were always hectic and they barely had chance to talk. They had finished swan lake the week prior with the most amazing reviews and weeks of sold out audiences. It made Clara's heart warm to know how many people had enjoyed the show.

Now they were six weeks in to the summer show. Clara had teased John that it should be the nutcracker, as Giselle is usually a summer show and it had been done in Winter. It was followed by a guilty look which meant it had been considered, causing Clara to laugh even more.

They were in fact doing a quite new ballet, Anastasia. It was based on the story of what happened to the actual princess. Clara had always loved that topic at school and she was overjoyed to find out they would be doing it, considering John had insisted on it being a secret.

They had children in this ballet, but Clara loved to work with them. She'd met them on the first day and they had been delightful. She had the chance to meet a younger version of "herself" and they'd got on very well. They looked quite alike, so everyone pointed out. John had said how good she was with the children that night and it made her smile as she'd never admitted how much she loved spending time with them.

Now, she was rehearsing one of the ending scenes. This role had a lot more acting that usual as it was fairly new and the dancing was a lot more contemporary. It was right in the centre of Clara's comfort zone and she loved it.

She had begun rehearsing with Rory, but he was needed in the ensemble for the opening number. This meant that John got to dance.

John taught Clara the dance and then they begun to perform it, as the role had lots of emotion. As they went through each step, he told her of the emotion she needed to feel. This was the moment where Anastasia realised that Dmitri had betrayed her when she had feelings for him.

John spoke of how she still loved him but wasn't sure what to do. The words resonated something she'd buried from that morning and she suddenly felt herself overwhelmed with emotions.

She barely noticed the tears that had begun dripping down her face, until John did a move where he pulled her into his chest and she started sobbing, her shoulders shaking.

John immediately grew concerned and wrapped his arms around her. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asked, trying to lift her head so he could speak to her.

She couldn't reply, only cry some more. Her tears were silent but heavy as they soaked through his shirt. John rubbed her back comfortingly, unsure of what else there was he could do. There was no reason for her to just start crying so suddenly. It was so unlike her.

She finally stopped, pulling away an wiping her eyes. She refused to face John in fear that the waterworks would start again. She somehow managed to stop them, even when John put is hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

"Clara?" He asked cautiously. She shook of his head and coughed lightly.

"I feel really ill." She said meekly. "I'm going to go home." She turned around and managed to flash him a small smile before running out of the studio, leaving John alone.

He couldn't figure out why she was so upset. When he'd arrived home that night, she had been asleep in her clothes under the covers. He'd climbed in behind her and held her, hoping it would provide some comfort. The next morning, she hadn't woken up and he thought it would be best to let her sleep. She could just be exhausted and needed some space.

He left a note for her on the pillow to say he'd been there and then he went to work. He texted her throughout the day, sending videos and pictures of them working and to check up on her.

Clara watched each one happily, slightly annoyed that she wasn't there. He sent her a video of the mini-versions of the characters dancing. She watched as John helped the kids dance, Jack holding the camera.

He had told her many times just how much he wanted kids and she knew she did too. Just, _now_ was too soon. She was twenty-four years old. It would wreck her body and she might not look right when danced, that's if they even allowed her to dance with the ballet again.

She would attend rehearsals for this ballet. They had three weeks until the ballet was performed and she still didn't know the finale. They only had about five minutes left, which is why it annoyed her so much that she wasn't there.

At only eleven, she got out of bed and ready for work. She got there and walked into rehearsals quietly, sneaking in at the front. No-one noticed her for the first minute until John almost tripped over her foot from where she had sat down in the corner to watch.

He turned to see who it was, his face lighting up with surprise when he saw Clara.

"Why is there a munchkin in the corner?" He shouted to the entire principal cast, who turned to stare. Clara stood up and John made a point to compare their height difference. She went up onto her pointes to gain some height, but he simply laughed.

She was happy to have some light air between them. He probably was so confused at what had happened so she felt he deserved to have a laugh.

She wrapped her arms around his waist and he happily returned the unexpected hug. Everyone in the room simultaneously "awwed" and John stuck his tongue out at them. It wasn't exactly confirmed, but everyone had now guessed that they were a couple.

"You okay?" John murmured to Clara. She looked up to him and smiled.

"Yeah. Sorry for being emotional." She replied before running to her position for the next number upon hearing the music.

John put the behaviour down to it being "that time of the month." As Clara was dancing, it suddenly occurred to him that she hadn't had a period in a while. The last time he could remember one was when she'd complained about coming on during the last day of Swan Lake. That was seven weeks ago. The more she danced, the more his mind began to add things up.

* * *

By the time it came to lunch, he'd retreated to his office. He'd snuck Clara's phone out of her bag and gone to her calendar. He knew she would be furious if he found out, but he had to do it; he had to know if he was right.

When her calendar confirmed what he'd guessed, he began to think. He knew what this would mean for Clara. He could help her keep the job, but she would be so upset. Her career as just starting out and it would be all his fault it was being torn down.

He sneakily returned the phone before she noticed it was gone and got back to work. At the end of the day, he found Clara to take her home. She looked happy that she'd been at rehearsals and she'd definitely perked up since the day before.

The drive home was full of Clara saying pointless things. He liked listening to Clara speak. He could listen to her nonsense ramblings for hours and hours and never be bored.

* * *

Clara walked over to the fridge and scanned it's contents. Her eyes were fixated on the jar of gherkins, but she was unsure of how to get them out without drawing attention to herself. Instead, she shut the door and waited for John to leave so she could eat them.

"What was up yesterday?" John asked from across the room, still looking concerned. He pulled the remote off the coffee table to turn on the TV and looked to her.

"Oh, I just had a headache." She said, waving her hand to pass it off. "Got a little emotional, that's all."

John carefully worded his next sentence, even though he felt awful for doing so. "You should probably get a scan sometime soon."

His words definitely stumped Clara and she turned to him, eyes wide. "You know." He said normally. "For your headaches."

Clara nodded and busied herself with the kettle. "Yeah, of course. For my...headaches." She said, trying to figure out what was going on.

John watched the TV as Clara made herself a tea. She also made one for John, hoping that it would seem nice. She walked over with them and handed his to him, sitting next to him on the sofa.

After a few sips, she put the tea down. It had given her an urge to throw up; one that was extremely hard to suppress.

John put his hand on her shoulder upon realising this and turned the TV to mute. "We need to talk Clara." He said seriously, watching her reactions

"A...about what?" Clara asked nervously.

"About what's going to happen with the baby."

Clara's whole heart sunk when she heard those words. They'd not yet been said out loud and realising John had figured it out made her feel even more sick.

"John, I..." She started before he shushed her, pulling her in for a hug.

Tears built up in her eyes and it made her throat thick. "I understand." John said simply.

Clara pulled back to stare at him. "You do?" She whispered.

John looked down and then back up to Clara. "I...Clara, you...you know how I feel about kids." He begun. "But I know what this means to the rest of your life and your career."

Clara shut her eyes as tears spilled down her cheeks. John kissed away each one, hoping to make it all better. "I want kids John." She whispered. "But it's too soon, it's...we're not even married or...things could go wrong and I'll be left with the kid alone and with no career and..."

"Clara, I would never leave you!" John argued, holding her face in his hands. "I _couldn't_ ever leave you. It would kill me." He moved his hand down her cheek, down her arm and the across to her stomach. "But I will support you in this, every step of the way. And if you don't want this kid, I'll still love you."

His hand moved underneath her T-shirt and spread across her stomach. His words and actions caused her to start crying and be unable to stop. John pulled her into his arms and whispered sweet nothings into her ear.

"John, I don't think I can..." She cleared her throat as she murmured into his ear. "I don't think I can get rid of a baby, I can't. But, I can't lose my job, I..."

She could barely finish her sentence before her cries took over again. John held her until she fell asleep. She looked so peaceful as she slept. He carried her through to the bedroom and put her under the covers, tucking himself in behind her. He knew that the issue was not going to go away, but at least they could have a night where everything was still peaceful.


	17. A New Life To Live

**Update! Wow, three days in a row I know!**

**Jenna at the NTAs. Hold me. She is just stunning and so beautiful. So proud of Smithdog and DW! **

**Hope you like this chapter a lot :)**

* * *

John watched Clara carefully from the corner of the room. She was dancing with Rory and he just wanted to check she was okay. That morning, they had barely exchanged words and just left for work. He needed to know what she was feeling, so it wouldn't eat her up inside.

Somehow, they would have to tell the board, namely David. John wasn't looking forward to that little conversation as he knew his brother would be furious with him.

But aside from all the chaos, John had never felt happier in his life. He was going to be a Dad; an actual Dad. It was something he'd always wanted to be, especially since he'd never really had any parents himself. He was scared that he wouldn't be a good father too. There are so many ways to mess up a child's life and he was worried that he would do that.

The more he watched Clara dance, the more he begun to smile. She was so beautiful, as a dancer and as a person, and it made his heart glow to see her happy. She still looked rather pale but everyone had put that down to the fact she was ill the day before.

John knew that Jack was eyeing him. He probably looked a mess and Jack always noticed when something was wrong with him. He was the first one to realise when he and River started having troubles.

"It's the same look." Jack said as he leaned against the mirror next to John, still watching the dancers.

"What look?" John argued, turning to face him.

"You used to give that to River. I think it's you "I'm not good enough for her or I've hurt her in some way" look. So come on, what's happened?" Jack patted John's arm comfortingly. flashing him a smile.

John could see Clara had turned to stare at him from the corner of his eye. It looked like he was telling Jack and she watched them for a few moments to check he wasn't going to tell their secret.

"Nothing." John said with a smile. "I'm just really tired, and you know I don't think I'm good enough for her." He stuck his tongue out in an attempt to be funny but Jack could tell it was for show. He wasn't really trying hard enough.

"Yeah you never shut up about it." Jack murmured. "Well if you need me, you know where I am."

Jack walked over to the piano player to tell her that they needed to go back and start again because he hadn't been watching. John rolled his eyes at Jack and smiled, turning his head to catch Clara's eyes again. She smiled weakly at him before getting back to work.

* * *

Clara danced enthusiastically, forgetting about all of her worries. She loved dance more than anything in the world. It was nice to feel free and not have to think about the problems yet to come.

Everything was going well, until it got to lunch time. Jack had gone out to the fish and chip shop for his lunch early and brought it back into the studio. John walked over to steal some chips but the moment Clara got a whiff, she ran out of the room to the toilets.

Upon realising why she had left so suddenly, John ran after her to check she was okay. Jack followed shortly behind, leaving his chips in the studio. The other dancers looked confused as to what was going on but just passed it off. It wasn't unlike those two boys to be all over Clara.

She hunched her back over the toilet as she threw up. Seconds later she felt John hold her shoulders and rub in-between them comfortingly. She was so grateful for ballet buns because it was one less job of holding back her hair.

"When she finally felt like she wasn't going to be sick anymore, she leaned back from the toilet into John's arms.

"I feel like shit." She moaned as he pulled her into chest.

"I know." John murmured. "I'm sorry."

Clara smiled up at him. "Why are you sorry?" She asked teasingly.

"Because you wouldn't be sick if it wasn't for me." He kissed her forehead to comfort her. "I would kiss you but you need to brush your teeth first." He teased. She rolled her eyes but remained hugging him for a moment.

"Yeah, that can really smell." Jack said from behind them, making them both jump. Clara stood up quickly and pushed him away as she walked out of the toilets. John stood up after her and waited for Jack's questions.

"She not better yet?" He asked, a slight hint or worry in his tone.

"No, she keeps on being sick. It's fine though, he should be fine soon." John lied, avoiding Jack's stare. "I'm going for lunch." He muttered as he left the room for Jack to puzzle things out himself.

* * *

Jack found Clara huddled up in the dressing room, texting someone who was probably John. It usually was and the cheeky smile on her face confirmed it.

"Why don't you just ask him whatever it is you're texting?" Jack laughed as he walked in. Clara looked up at him and smiled.

"He already went out to the ships and I really want some maltesers." She laughed. Jack laughed too and made his way to sit beside her against the wall.

"Maltesers are always good." He laughed. "Can you stomach it? I mean, you were pretty ill earlier?"

Clara scrunched up her nose and nodded her head. "It was the fish and chips. It stinks like hell." She explained.

Jack put his hand on her knee and shook it gently. Clara turned her head to him and smiled, uncertain of what was about to be said. Usually Jack was happy, but this seemed like he was being serious.

"Clara...I noticed John looking like a scared rabbit earlier." He begun. Clara's face dropped and she suddenly wanted to be sick again; screw the maltesers. "And with you being sick and everything, I mean...I've only heard a few things because I'm me, but I've noticed how you guys aren't talking but he's running after you everywhere to check you're okay and get you...maltesers, which you seem desperate to have." Clara bit her lip nervously and sighed because she'd obviously been too obvious about it all. "So, are you...you know? Pregnant?"

Clara looked down at her knees and shuffled slightly. "Is it that obvious?" She whispered.

Jack closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to process the information he'd just heard. "No, don't worry. Only to me."

Clara leaned her head into Jack's shoulder and closed her eyes. "Just say it." She muttered. She couldn't see Jack's face but she knew he would be frowning in confusion. "I messed up and ruined my entire career."

Jack pulled her tighter and kissed her head. "No you didn't, it'll all still be here once you've had it." Jack smiled at her. "It? I don't know. How many weeks?"

Clara smiled. "Six I think. At least, around that time. Hard to be precise."

Jack counted off the day in his head. "So you'll be thirteen weeks when this is over, yeah?" She replied with a nod after thinking for a few seconds. As she opened her mouth to say something, John burst through the door.

"I was on my way back but then I got your text so I ran back to Tesco and got four boxes of maltesers! They are buy one get one free!" John said happily as he came to sit next to Clara.

It took John a moment before he noticed the third person in the room. "Do you have nothing better to do that stalk us Jack?" He groaned in annoyance.

"Nope." Jack replied. "Especially not when, if I hang around, I could be God father. Just so you know that."

Clara visibly shrunk back into herself. at Jack's bluntness. "You told him?" John asked Clara, wincing from nerves.

"I figured it out. Be careful what you say around your friends! Especially when they follow you to bathrooms to check you are okay as you throw up!" Jack laughed. John put his arm around Clara and pulled her into his chest.

"You any better?" He whispered into her ear. She groaned in return and he took that as a no. "Not even for maltesers?" He teased, holding a box up to her face.

"I forgot that I'm not allowed to eat chocolate." She sighed, pushing the box away from her face and snuggling her head further into John's coat.

John tutted and handed it back to her. "Of course you are, eating for two. You'll burn it all off anyway."

Clara smiled at him and eagerly took the maltesers. She pulled back from the hug and opened the box excitedly, devouring the chocolate treats. She didn't realise how funny it was to watch to those around her.

"I haven't had these in a year!" She complained. "Shit, they're good. Who would ever give up these things?" She munched loudly and the boys started laughing.

Jack tried to steal one but she swatted his hand away. "There are four boxes, get your own!" She complained. Jack begun laughing hysterically as he reached over her to grab a box.

When the lunch hour was over, the three of them were nowhere to be seen in rehearsals as they had remained in the dressing room, eating sweets.

David had gone to see Jack and John about preparation for the show to discover that none of them, including Clara, were there. He knew they would be together and it took him only a few minutes to find them. He opened the door quickly and the three of them jumped before laughing their heads off.

David could see the chocolate boxes, now empty, on the floor and the three grown ups who were giggling like children.

"John." David snapped, making them all look up. "A word with you and Jack." They both stood up, Clara following and made their way to the edge of the room.

As Clara made her way out of the door David pulled her back, much to John's objections. "As I am not going to get an honest answer from these two idiots, why were you eating chocolate and not in rehearsal?" David's face was one of confusion but also amusement.

"Well..." Clara began. She knew that she couldn't be honest and say cravings or that would cause a scandal. She quickly came up with a solution in her head."I was complaining because I haven't had maltesers in a year and then John went and bought four boxes and it got a little out of hand."

David took her explanation as pretty plausible as it sounded like something John would do. He would do silly things to make her happy."Go on, get to work." She ran off to her rehearsal and left the other two for the dogs.

* * *

"What did David want earlier?" Clara asked John in the car on the way home.

"Oh, it was just about whether we want the show to go on an extra few weeks." John muttered. Clara looked down to her knees and then back up to John.

"And? Will it?" She asked nervously, scared of the outcome.

"It's a beautiful show." John said simply. "But it's not like swan lake so I said it can run only a week longer" Clara nodded, a little relieved. She wouldn't have been able to dance for long after that. She also didn't want to tell the company she was pregnant until she went on leave and she could give that job to John.

"Clara, I've been thinking." John choked. "Maybe you shouldn't do the last two weeks of the show. You'll be, what? Twelve weeks or so and it might not be good for the..."

"John, no. I'm not giving up what little I have left of my career when I will still have a few weeks left where I am able to dance." That was when they pulled up outside their apartment and Clara got out. She'd begun to live there permanently and she rarely ever wanted home anymore.

She made her way to the lift and waited for John. "Do you really mean that? You think your career is over?" John asked once the lift doors were shut.

Clara shook her head. "I don't know." She replied honestly. "Ballet is my life but I highly doubt I'll be able to dance after a kid. I'll need money anyway and although ballet pays well, if I can't stay on in the company then there's no point even trying."

They were silent all the way into their apartment. "Hey, Clara?" John asked as they walked through the door. "I know you must be confused, but can we just sit down and talk about everything. You know, plan it?"

Clara looked up at him before making her way to the sofa. She sat down on it with a bump and patted the space beside her for John to sit in. He sat obediently and waited for her to speak.

"I want this baby John, so much." Clara said simply. "It's this beautiful thing inside of me and I can't explain it but...I feel like it was always meant to be." She murmured. It was something she had realised during the day and now she knew that she would love this baby forever. She couldn't not.

John nodded in understanding and then hugged her deeply, his grip tight but loving. "So, you give up for a year or so after this show? And I'll still go to work but I'll get some time off for the baby. You can bring the baby to work if you want? I'm sure Jack would happily babysit."

Clara laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. "That sounds good." She whispered tiredly into his ear. "Will we live here? It's a pretty big apartment. It has two bedrooms so that's always good for a kid."

John nodded happily. "If you want. We can do anything you want. God Clara, I will do anything for you and this kid." Clara laughed in happiness and then stopped suddenly.

"Can we just..._not _tell my Dad?" She asked nervously. "He will murder me with a pickaxe."

John laughed. "We'll tell him at the show. No point telling him so early on in the pregnancy."

Clara smiled and pulled back from the hug to kiss him tentatively on the lips. "You're perfect." She whispered. "You know that, right?"

"Hmm." John replied, stealing another kiss. "You are too." He kissed her again with more force and they laid back on the sofa. He kissed her nose gently and her lips once more.

"I have dinner reservations in an hour." He suddenly told her, but he was very calm.

"Okay...?" Clara asked nervously. He wasn't usually so normal about things.

"Wear something nice." He replied. He kissed her forehead before climbing off her so she could get dressed.

* * *

It took her a good half hour before she found what she wanted to wear. She chose a lacy red skater dress with black heels. Her hair flowed on her shoulders and she curled it neatly at the bottom. She'd made a lot of effort and for the first time in her life, she actually felt quite beautiful.

"Wow." John said to her as she left the bedroom. He was wearing a suit with a bow tie. "You look...stunning." He said for a lack of words.

Clara bit her ruby red lip and looked down to the floor. "Thank you." She murmured, her cheeks going a light pink.

* * *

John's knuckles were white on the steering wheel as if he were keeping himself in check. He was acting completely normal but little things he was doing were catching Clara's attention. They turned up at the restaurant they'd been at, the first time they'd hooked up.

It made her laugh to see he'd remembered these small things about their relationship. They sat down at their table and for once, Clara wasn't nervous about everything. She felt extremely...satisfied with her life. Sure, there were complications but John made them all better, even if he had caused them too.

She was still reeling off how happy she was when they arrived home that night. John put on a slow waltz, and extended his hand to offer a dance.

She cheerfully accepted, running into his arms. It had started out as them simply moving to the beat, but before long they were turning and spinning. In moments like these, it was like seeing the other dance for the first time and feeling the thrill of the movement all the same.

They loved dancing together. It was like being two doves flying in the sky. Towards the end of the music, John picked Clara up in a lift above his head, gently pulling her down for the last moments of the song. She couldn't have asked for anything more perfect in a night.

Just as she thought that, her feet touched the ground and John pulled her in for a kiss. It was one full of a million messages he wanted to say to her and she to him in return. She only found one that was good enough.

As the pulled back she whispered, "God, I love you so much." It made John laugh and kiss her once more.

He then stopped and cupped her face. "Clara Oswald. You mean _so _much to me, I don't think I can ever live without you. You are the most beautiful girl in existence and I...I'm not sure how to say this..."

"Yes." Clara said with a teary smile, biting her lip nervously.

"What?" John asked, bewildered.

"Sorry, I saw you take the ring out of the box earlier. Yes. I will marry you, yes." She grinned at John as realisation dawned on his face. His heart started beating faster and he could have sworn it was ready to jump out of his chest.

"Yes? You will?" He asked giddily. She nodded her head, a tear escaping her eyes.

"Of course." She whispered. John grabbed her quickly and pulled her in for yet another kiss. He'd never felt happier in his life. He wanted this moment to last forever so they could stay suspended in this time of eternal bliss.

John put his hand on Clara's stomach and Clara took her other hand to put it on top of his. "Always and forever." She whispered and then John decided, that's what they would be.


	18. The Way It Goes

**I am so sorry for not updating! I know it must be so annoying! I used to update every day and now I've waited whole weeks! I feel like a pig for it, so sorry. This week has just been hell for me and I haven't been able to bring myself to write. I've been on tumblr though which might have been a bit annoying, sorry guys.**

**Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. I hope you all love fluff because it's coming in heaps at the moment. Pleas ignore any spelling mistakes. I thought I'd just put it up before I proof-read it because I'm tired :p THANK YOU ALL FOR READING. LOVE YOU ALL AND THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED! Oh, nearly at 100 reviews! I hope we can get there from this chapter, fingers crossed?**

* * *

Clara had never been more nervous in her life. She had stood in front of massive audiences and had to face bad situations, but this made her scared.

It was their last day of Anastasia. She had loved the show so much and didn't regret anything. She had gone for her twelve week scan the week before and she couldn't be more happy. She was having a little girl; John's little girl. He tried to deny it, but he cried when he saw the child. He'd always wanted to have children and the fact that it was finally going to happen made him overjoyed.

Clara's dad was in the audience for this performance. Afterwards he was going to dinner with Clara and John so they could tell him the news. That was the first thing making her stomach fill with butterflies. The other was that this could be the last time she ever danced. She had to do it better than she ever had before, like her swan song.

Every turn was perfect, every single step not an inch out of place. He heart was in the role more than ever and she lost herself to the music. She could feel everyone's eyes on her, but once that flying feeling returned she didn't care.

It was all over too quickly, receiving two standing ovations and leaving an awful feeling in the pit of Clara's stomach.

She had barely got back to her dressing room to take a breath before John bounded in, picking her up and spinning her around quickly. At first she giggled and kissed him. He kept on spinning her until she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "John, I think I'm going to be sick."

He put her down hastily and planted an apologetic kiss on her forehead. "You were amazing tonight, you know that?" He whispered in her ear.

"Thank you." She smiled. The smile quickly faded when she remembered it was her last performance and she took a sharp breath, not to escape John's notice.

"It'll be fine." He murmured, pulling her in for a hug and rubbing her back comfortingly. "Everything will be just fine, you'll be dancing again before you know it."

She nodded to herself, hoping he would take that as she understood. "It's still hard." he whispered. He leant his head down to place his forehead on hers.

"I know." The kiss he placed on her lips was short yet loving and it gave Clara some confidence that this wasn't all over.

When they pulled apart, Clara stared deep into his eyes before pulling him back in for another kiss. This one was more passionate and loving, his fingers tangling in her hair as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

The knocking at the door interrupted them and Clara gave a small apologetic smile to John. "One second." She whispered, walking to the dressing room door. She cried out in a happy surprise when she saw Marie smiling there.

The girls jumped into a friendly embrace, grinning. "What are you doing here?" Clara laughed, dragging her into the room.

"I came to see the show. I'm back for next season but I wanted to see you before then!" Marie giggled. She didn't miss the small drop of Clara's smile when she mentioned next season and she furrowed her brow.

"What's wrong?" Marie asked, concerned for her friend.

"Nothing." Clara smiled. Marie raised her eyebrows as she saw right through the lie.

John, who was still stood in the corner of the room, coughed lightly and broke the awkward silence. "I'm gonna go." He announced, making Marie turn around to face him in pleasant surprise.

"Okay." Clara grinned. He walked over to plant a small kiss on her lips before leaving the room. Marie had heard from Clara about the relationship, which hadn't come at all as a shock to her.

Once John had left the room, Marie raised her eyebrows again. "You're not getting out of this." She stated as-a-matter-of-factly. "I know he intervened for you so I would leave it, but I'm not stupid enough to fall for that."

Clara opened her mouth to speak but found no words coming out of her mouth. There was only one way to do it and she wasn't ready for people to know yet, but she trusted Marie and the girl had a right to know.

Clara sat down on her dressing room chair and Marie pulled out one beside her, their knees touching as they faced each other.

"I..." Clara started, choking out her words. "I won't be dancing for about a year. I'll be coming back but I'm taking a break. This means you can be the new prima." Clara smiled, looking happy for Marie.

Her friend took no covering it up and leant in suspiciously. "Why are you taking a break already Clara? You're an amazing dancer with five star reviews! You don't just take breaks without reason in this career. I can only think of one thing which would make you do that which is..." Marie's mouth opened in realisation and she pointed at Clara in shock. "You're not are you?"

Clara looked down to her right and opened her mouth slowly, taking a small breath.

"Oh my God you are. You're pregnant." Marie stated in shock. "Well I wasn't expecting that."

Clara looked won and then back up to her. "Please don't tell anyone yet. It's not going to be bad or anything. We're engaged and everything has been planned out you know..." She explained. "John will tell the company when they cast the new prima but I just don't want people to judge me on my last performance tonight, knowing I'm pregnant."

Marie stood up to give Clara a hug and Clara joined her. The hug was friendly and tight and comforting in a way that she hadn't received from anyone yet. It was the kind of hug you would receive from a Mother which made Clara feel sad and happy at the same time. She was grateful she had someone there who could hold her hand.

When they pulled back, Clara wiped at the tears building up in her eyes. "Ugh, damn hormones." She muttered, making Marie laugh.

"So, how far along are you?" She asked gently, smiling at a tearful Clara.

"I'm thirteen weeks." She murmured, looking up to see Marie's reaction which was once again, shocked.

"Wow, that far? I mean, have you had a scan yet or...?" Marie trailed off as Clara ran to her handbag to pull out her purse. Inside was a picture of the scan and she showed it happily to Marie, grinning. She hadn't been able to show anyone yet and the feeling that she could be proud made her so happy.

"She's perfect size and really healthy. It's just the cutest thing I've ever seen." Clara whispered, half to herself.

"She?" Marie asked happily. Clara nodded, tears building up again. This time they were from joy and that made her feet better. "Well, she is going to be such a perfect ballerina one day."

Clara looked down to her feet and shook her head. "No." She said firmly. "I don't want that for her, I don't want her to have that kind of life."

Before Marie could even ask what Clara had meant by that, a knock on the door and John's ramblings informed Clara that her father was waiting for her and needed to get ready. She shouted back that she would be five minutes before ushering Marie out of the door and quickly getting changed.

* * *

Clara wore a loose dress and John was wearing his suit. The restaurant wasn't too fancy, but they'd hoped that if it was nice then Dave wouldn't punch John in the face.

John held Clara's hand as they sat down at the table and Dave eyed them uneasily. "This feels like an intervention." He muttered under his breath. "Clara, you were beautiful tonight. I'm so proud of you."

Clara smiled and lowered her head in modesty. "Thank you Dad. That means so much. How's Gran by the way?"

The conversation was simple and the only thing keeping Clara from running away. This was the last thing she wanted to do right now. "She's well." Dave replied. "Misses you all the time."

"I bet she does." Clara laughed, bringing a lighter air to the table. A moment later, the waiter came and handed them their drinks. Clara was simply drinking lemonade whilst the other two shared a bottle of wine. Dave kept on insisting that Clara drank some, but she refused politely each time.

When Dave finally stopped sipping his glass, John thought that it would be an appropriate moment to tell him. That way he couldn't spit water all over them.

"Umm, Dave?" John winced nervously. Clara immediately knew he was about to say it and had the sudden urge to excuse herself to go to the bathroom. "We, Clara and I, have something to tell you."

Dave gulped audibly and rested his forearms on the table. Clara looked down to her knees nervously. She suddenly felt like a teenager again, unsure of what her father's reaction would be.

"Well, it's two things." Clara piped up, hoping that she would look involved. She caught a glimpse of John's eyes and he was smiling proudly at her. It eased her nerves slightly and she smiled back.

"Dad, I...we're engaged..." Before Dave had time to even process the information, she murmured. "And I'm...pregnant."

The shock wave hit Dave in an instant and he still, eyes wide. He couldn't process what he'd been told at all. His little girl was going to get married _and _she was pregnant. This was all way too fast for him and he had to take several deep breaths before he could even begin to think.

"Say something." Clara whispered, looking away ashamedly. It pained Dave to think that he was angry with her and that pushed all his hesitation out of the way. He stood up quickly to move around the table and pull Clara into a deep hug.

Clara stood up to meet him, wrapping her arms tight around his shoulder. She clung onto him, hoping that this meant he wasn't angry.

"My baby girl." He whispered in her ear. "So grown up." He whispered, an ounce of regret in his voice. at that thought.

Clara choked a sob of relief and held onto him tighter. "You're not mad?" She asked quietly.

Dave pulled back and sat back down at the table, holding Clara's hand still. "How could I ever be mad with you? You're a grown up. Sure, this is all really fast and I'm not going to deny that I'm not over the moon about it but...I know you Clara and you know what is best for you and John and the...baby."

Clara looked down and smiled, thankful for her father being so kind. John wrapped his arm around her and she leant her head into his shoulder.

"Mr Oswald, please may I assure you that I had already long planned to propose to Clara. I just did it a bit quicker because of the situation. I'm sure you must be thinking that."

Clara laughed mentally that it was back to the "Mr. Oswald." He knew that right now, small talk wasn't going to help him in any way.

Dave smiled at him kindly. "I don't doubt you would have. I can see it in your eyes when you look at her. It's how I used to look at Ellie." He grinned at them, allowing Clara to laugh and get her mood back.

"So, how far along Clara?" Dave asked quickly. He seemed much more comfortable now, although he hadn't corrected John at the formal address so he was still a little cross with him.

"I'm thirteen weeks. We went for a scan last week." At Dave's pained expression, Clara quickly explained. "We both know that twelve weeks is a good point to tell people, but I wanted to do it in person. We thought now would be best."

Dave nodded. "No, yeah I understand that." He murmured. "Did you...you know, find out the gender and stuff?"

Clara nodded happily. "Yeah, one second, let me show you..." She leant down to get the picture out of her purse but John had beaten her to it and already had his wallet out on the desk. He handed Dave the picture, his face lighting up with joy.

Dave smiled at felt tearful. It was like when he'd first seen the picture of Clara all over again. "It's a girl." Clara smiled. "She's really healthy they Doctor's say and everything is going really well so far."

Dave nodded to show he understood, still staring at the picture. "She is going to be so beautiful." He whispered, glancing up at the couple. Clara's head was resting on John's shoulder as they held hands. Their position was about acceptable for a nice restaurant but they didn't care. As long as they were happy, the world was their oyster.

* * *

Clara and John stumbled into the apartment after the long dinner. They'd left Dave with the promise of calling him as soon as they could. He seemed happy about it by the end and that made the couple feel a little better.

John walked over to the phone to check messages as Clara slumped her coat over the back of the sofa. When the machine said "One new message," Clara moved to join John and listen to it.

"Errm, hi John." The voice they realised was David said. "I just wanted to say...you really should stop letting be borrow your credit cards. 'Cause, you know, that really cute picture of your and Clara's baby is in there. Just going to tell you that for next time. Bye!"

If looks could kill, Clara would be burying John by now. She punched his shoulder and John jumped back with a yell.

"Ow, what was that for?" He shouted, rubbing where she'd hit him gently.

"We said we wouldn't tell David until we told everyone else! He just winds you up! Why do you lave your stuff out?" Clara groaned.

John placed his hands on her shoulder and looked at her gently. "David won't tell, believe me. He's probably happy at heart. He just doesn't know how to show it. It'll be fine Clara, don't panic." He soothed.

Clara nodded, apologising for her sudden outburst. "Well, at least that's one less awkward conversation to go." She muttered.

"Yeah, it is." John smiled, pulling her into his arms to rest in their peaceful embrace.


End file.
